


But Thy Kisses, Bring Again

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: 30 Kisses Challenge, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-18 17:29:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 42,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7324234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erin Strauss has never had an impulsive bone in her body, until the day her divorce in finalized, that is. Will finding an unexpected ally like Spencer Reid help her to come out of her shell, or make her a bigger Ice Queen?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Red

Erin tried to covertly adjust her breasts in her blouse. She'd forgone her traditional, cover-everything-up, bra in favor of the naughty shelf bra, since it wouldn't irritate her nipple so. Once again that morning, she regretted the foolish impulsivity that had driven her to get that dratted piercing the moment the ink dried on the divorce decree. The only good thing about that night had been the low whistle of appreciation from the piercer and the way he had eyed her breasts hungrily.

Now, though, back to work after a long weekend of rest and toplessness, she felt foolish. "I should never have done this," she whispered as she waited for the elevator to appear.

"Done what?" Inwardly, she groaned, recognizing Dr. Reid's inquisitive voice. He would be on her like a dog with a bone, not letting go until he had his satisfaction. "Ma'am? Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine, Dr. Reid. I just got in a row with my ex-husband last night. Making him upset is the last thing I need to do right now," she replied, hoping he'd believe the lie. From the corner of her eye, she saw him purse his lips before bobbing his head. Thankfully, the elevator doors opened and she stepped inside, pressing the six button before moving to the back, tapping her foot.

"So, this might be a little forward, Erin, but your piercing is bleeding a little."

She gasped and looked down at her chest, seeing the dots of blood on her blouse. "Dammit."

"Do you want me to help you take care of it? Mine did the same thing when I first got it done," he said lowly. She nodded gratefully, blushing to the roots of her hair.

"Thank you, Dr. Reid," she finally responded as they got off on their floor. He steered her towards the bullpen and she blanched a little. "I can't do that in there," she said frantically.

"Garcia's office is the only place with no windows or cameras on this floor. We'll kick her out while I take care of you."

"But she'll know something is up!"

"Probably, but neither of us will say anything to her. It will be fine." He tugged on her arm a little more forcefully and she stumbled after him, trying to hold her jacket closed over her breasts. Thankfully, most everyone had their heads buried in their work and took no notice of her passing among them. Dr. Reid didn't even knock on Ms. Garcia's door, he just barged in.

"Can I help y – oh, Chief Strauss! What can I do for you?" the younger woman asked, trying to focus on a spot somewhere above her shoulder.

"Garcia, we need to use your office for about fifteen minutes. Go distract Rossi and Hotch, okay?" She nodded dumbly at Dr. Reid and fairly flew out of the room. He locked the door and Erin gulped. "Why don't you sit on the sofa while I dig out the alcohol and bandages."

She moved over to the couch and sank down. "Why does Ms. Garcia keep bandages in her office?"

"When she's working on Persephone, she sometimes gets cut on different components," he answered absently as he pawed through a small box, pulling out gauze pads, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and two bandages. "All right, could you take your blouse off?"

Erin looked away from him as she fumbled with the buttons on her shirt. When the last one was undone, she shrugged out of both jacket and blouse. "Would you make this quick, Dr. Reid? Before I die of embarrassment?"

He nodded and opened the rubbing alcohol, turning it over on the gauze pad and letting it soak for a few seconds. "This is going to hurt, Erin. I'm sorry." He gently washed her nipple free of the red blood staining it. She hissed in pain and leaned into him. "And a kiss to make it better," he whispered, bending his head to softly kiss the tender flesh.

There was nothing sexual about the sweet kiss, and for that she was grateful. Even though it was a huge breach of etiquette, she was grateful for the kindness, quick tears prickling her eyes. With the same amount of care, he placed the bandages over her nipple, his touch so soft. "Thank you, Spencer."

"You're welcome, Erin," he replied as he pulled her shirt back up, buttoning it quickly. They locked eyes and she saw a flicker of desire there that he tried to mask. She closed her eyes and lifted her face oh so slightly. Spencer too the invitation and covered her lips with his, kissing her gently.

"I'm sorry, that was inappropriate of me," she said breathlessly once they'd broken the kiss.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Erin. It was just a temporary seeking of comfort. We all need that at times." She nodded and stood up, pulling her jacket around her body once more. "I'm glad I could help you out."

"I'm glad as well." Sighing, she picked up her briefcase and purse and exited the room. Ms. Garcia was in Agent Hotchner's office, animatedly explaining something. They met eyes and she gave the other woman a small smile.

Once safely ensconced in her office, Erin let herself cry. He had been so tender with her, even when she had never given him cause to be. Shaking her head, she opened her briefcase and took out the files she had to finish.

As the day progressed, she found herself unable to concentrate on her work. All she could focus on was the feel of his lips on her breast. Which was preposterous, he was half her age, her subordinate, yet… At five, she shut down her computer, packed up her work, and went home, needing to get herself off.

Erin had to pass by the bullpen on her way to the elevators and they looked at each other at the same time. Her breath caught and she felt the blush return as his gaze slipped down to her breasts. Turning, she pressed the down button on the elevator and waited. Erin felt him come up behind her moments later, but she refused to look.

"Headed home already?" She nodded. "Be careful taking the bandages off. They might pull on the ring and make your nipple bleed again. But you need to let it get some air, okay?"

"Yes, Dr. Ried."

"I prefer Spencer," he said lowly as the doors opened. Erin stepped inside the safety of the elevator car, pressing the B button and then closing the doors on him. She did not like where the conversation had been leading, did not like the can of worms his kindness had opened up.

By the time she got home, Erin was tired and wanted nothing more than to eat supper, masturbate, and fall asleep in her bed. Slipping out of her heels and putting on the fuzzy frog slippers her daughter had left behind, she padded into the kitchen, pulling out some chicken breasts and the bbq sauce from the fridge.

Turning the oven on preheat, she lined a pan with tinfoil and then put the chicken in, smothering it with the bbq sauce. "This needs cheese," she said aloud, smiling slightly as she went back to the fridge and pulled out a bag of shredded cheddar. As she was sprinkling it over the chicken, her doorbell rang and she went to the door, looking out.

Dr. Reid was standing there on her doorstep, bouncing back and forth on his feet. She yanked open the door and stared at him "Hi," he said somewhat sheepishly and she narrowed her eyes, frowning slightly at him.

"How did you find my address?" she hissed, pulling him inside before someone on the block took notice of her visitor.

"I looked it up," he replied as he stepped out of his loafers.

"And why are you here?" She stalked into the kitchen, knowing he would follow her.

"I don't know. Okay, that might be a lie," he squeaked out when she whirled around to glare at him. "I want to know the story of your piercing."

She sighed and put the chicken in the oven, setting the timer for thirty minutes. She pulled out two glasses from the cupboard next to the sink and filled them with water. _This isn't happening,_ she thought as she handed him a glass. "Let's head into the living room."

Once again, she just expected him to follow her as she made her way to the other room. "Why you nipple?" he asked as he sat next to her on the sofa.

"You don't hold back, do you, Spencer?" He smiled ruefully at her and she shook her head. "Fine. I've never done anything truly impulsive in my life. I've had everything planned for my future by the time I entered kindergarten. Alcoholism wasn't planned, per se, but it also wasn't impulsive. Alan couldn't handle my drinking and neither could I, obviously."

"Addictions are hard."

"I know, now. So, when the divorce was finalized Thursday, I decided to be impulsive. A nipple piercing sounded safest, out of all my options." Erin sipped at her water. "Besides, a clitoral hood piercing sounded really painful."

Spencer choked on his water and she giggled lowly. "I've heard storied of women who've gotten them and had almost continuous orgasms." It was her turn to choke on her water and she looked him in the eye.

"I think it is high time I let my piercing air out," she said, feeling unwanted desire pool in her stomach once more. Spencer nodded and she slid off her suit jacket. Feeling his eyes on her, she slowly unbuttoned her blouse. His hands reached out to peel the shirt off her and she struggled not to shiver or moan as his knuckles brushed against her too sensitive breasts. "Would you take off the bandages, Spencer?"

Erin arched her back towards him, waiting for him to make a move. He cupped her breast with one hand, using his other to peel off the bandages delicately. They tugged at her skin and she moaned lowly, feeling her muscles clench at the feeling. "Am I hurting you, Erin?"

'No, not really," she murmured as the second bandage came away.

"Good." He pushed her back on the sofa, kissing her once more. "I've been thinking about doing that since this morning. Don't ask me why, either, I can't explain it. Just knowing you were like me, in two ways, set something off in me. I'm usually not impulsive either, so this is outside my comfort zone."

"Mine, too," she whimpered out as he cupped her breast, running his thumb over the nipple, tightening it instantly. "I'm afraid this will have to wait until after supper, though."

"Are you sure?" he asked, squeezing her breast gently.

"Y-yes. I have to watch my blood sugar a little, now that I don't drink. It crashes at the weirdest times."

"I understand." He kissed her hard and then helped her to sit up. "So, do you think this is insane?"

"No. Like you, I know we're similarly marked." She took a deep breath. "Though we are treading on precariously thin ice. One word about this to anyone could both our careers. You have your glorious intelligence to fall back on, but I have nothing." She felt her throat close up as the realization of the truth hit her.

"I've long been the secret keeper for our team, Erin. I'm certain I can be discreet." She nodded, blinking back her tears. Cradling her face, Spencer rubbed his thumb against her cheekbone. "Trust me."

"I'm going to try." She turned her head so that she could nuzzle her nose into his palm, breathing in his scent.

"I never said thank you, you know."  
"For what?"

"For fighting to keep us together, even if I wasn't sure I wanted to be part of the BAU any longer."

"Ah." She curled up into him, letting him wrap an arm around her shoulders. It felt so nice to be held, Alan hadn't done that for years. Spencer began to hum lowly and she found herself drawn into a magical web, entranced by the sound of his voice. "Don't stop, Spencer. Please."

"All right," he whispered before continuing his song. Her tears tracked down her face, though she didn't know their source. She felt overwhelmed by emotion and snuggled closer to him. They stayed like that until she heard the buzzer on the oven go off, and then she uncurled her body to stand up.

"Are you hungry, Spencer?" Erin asked, holding out her hand.

"Famished." Once more, she felt herself blush at the look he gave her. "You're too easy to tease, Erin. I wouldn't have expected that." Erin shrugged and began to head to the kitchen. He caught up to her and settled his arm around her hips. "If I'm not mistaken, I smell bbq chicken."

"It sounded good when I got home." He nodded and pulled open the oven, using the mitt to take out the pan while she got plates from the cupboard. Setting them on the table, she found the necessary utensils, handing Spencer a spatula. "There's not anything to go with it, since I don't get hungry as much anymore."

"I don't eat much anymore, either. I think it may be one of the side effects of post-addiction life." He smiled sadly at her. "Another thing we have in common."

"Wonderful." She sat at the table and he set the pan down, portioning out a piece of chicken onto her plate before serving himself. "How's your mother doing?"

He sat down and cut into his chicken. "She's okay. The medications she's on don't work as well anymore, though, so she's more vulnerable to paranoia. I'm so glad I'm here, Erin. I couldn't deal with having her close by, seeing the slow deterioration. It breaks my heart now, as it is."

"Have you talked to anyone about your feelings?"

"My NA group. I can't talk to anyone on the team, not since Jayje broke my trust. I've smoothed things over with them, don't get me wrong. I just can't talk to them any longer."

She nodded sadly and tucked into her food. "I hope you find someone you trust who you can confide in."

"I think I might have." Erin looked up at him in surprise. "If you can trust me enough to take care of you today like I did, I think I can trust you with my secrets."

Erin smiled a little, and then looked down at her food. A warm flicker of affection rose up in her breast at the idea of being trusted once more. "Spencer, thank you." He leaned over and kissed her cheek softly. She could feel the stickiness of bbq sauce on her cheek and struggled not to wipe it off.

"Here, let me take care of that," he softly said, dipping his finger in his water glass before rubbing it across her cheek, taking care of the spot. They finished eating in silence; though she felt the looks they exchanged spoke volumes. When their plates were empty, she opened the dishwasher and he loaded the dished inside. "Do you want me to let this run during the night?"

"No, I'll do it in the morning after breakfast. There's not many dishes when there's just one person." He nodded and shut the door, holding out his hand to her. She took it and led him upstairs to her room. She sat on her bed, suddenly feeling quite nervous, and looked up at him. "I, I haven't done anything like this since college."

"Neither have I." He sat next to her and she turned to face him, reaching up to unhook her bra. He made quick work of his own shirt and she reached out to tug gently on the golden ring in his right nipple. He groaned lowly and gently pulled her back to lie on the bed. His skin was so smooth against hers and she once more felt her core clench tightly.

"I don't think I want slow tonight, Spencer."

"Good, because I don't think I can go slowly." He rolled on top of her, kissing her deeply as he searched for the zipper on her skirt. While he did that, she undid his belt and then unzipped his pants, pushing them and his boxers off his slim hips. "Could you help me out here, Erin?" he asked as he broke the kiss.

She nodded and reached behind her back to tug down the zipper on her skirt, shimmying out of it. He stripped her panties off and she parted her legs for him. He palmed her core and she whimpered, arching her hips up to meet him. Please," she cried out and he nodded, entering her with one smooth motion.

He felt heavenly, all wiry muscle and fluid grace. They made no noise in their coupling, and she could hear their breathing, harsh, ragged, and in sync. "I'm close," he finally whispered and she nodded, reaching between them to circle and rub her clit, pushing her body closer to orgasm.

Unable to remain quiet any longer, she moaned loudly as she came, collapsing back on the mattress. "That was wonderful, Spencer." He kissed her forehead and she smiled, snuggling close to his body heat. "If you want, you can leave after I fall asleep."

"Or I can stay. I make a pretty good waffle." The warm, tender, feeling blossomed in her chest once more and she sighed. "I'll take that as a yes." She nodded and he closed an arm around her as he used the other to pull the sheet up over their bodies. "Go to sleep, Erin." As she let her eyes close, he once more kissed her, on the forehead this time, and she smiled, deciding to take the moment for all the sweet worth it gave her.


	2. If Only I Could Make You Mine

Erin Strauss was not one to moon over boys, and yet that was exactly what she found herself doing Wednesday morning. The day before, Spencer had woken her up to breakfast in bed, and proven that he did make a pretty good waffle. Since then, she couldn't get him off her mind. "If only I could make you mine," she whispered longingly, staring at her computer screen.

"Excuse me, Chief Strauss?" She looked up at Helen and nodded. "These just came for you." It was then Erin noticed the bouquet of tulips in her hands. "Where do you want them?"

"On my desk is fine." The woman nodded and set them on the corner of her desk before retreating. Erin pulled out the card and read aloud: "Cytherea, you sweet, blessed lady, who with your fire-brand subdues whomsoever you wish, and sends me this dream, be my helper in this, for you are best able!" With the words, she knew who the flowers were from and she sighed happily.

Calling up her planner, she saw that Alpha was in Portland today, and it was only seven in the morning there. Throwing caution to the wind, she pulled out her personal cellphone and called him. "Good morning, E. Did you get them?"

"Yes, they're lovely. E?"

"Uh huh. I need to call you something when I'm around the others, so I thought this would fit. You don't mind, do you?"

"Not really, no. But if you want to ignore the tragic connotations, you can call me Heloise. Since we have to keep things on the down low for now."

"I hope you know I would treat you better than Abelard. How's the piercing this morning?"

"It feels a lot better. I put bandages on again, that really seemed to help yesterday, and Monday. Is it odd to say I missed you? I know we only had sex, but I miss you…"

"I miss you, too," he interrupted in a rush. "It's crazy, isn't it? But I don't care. Being with you, I felt more alive than I have in years. If only I could make you mine."

Hearing her earlier words come from his lips, she smiled gently. "I think you have, Spencer, if that's what you want." She held her breath, suddenly nervous for his answer.

"I do, Heloise." A shiver of desire swept over her body at his answer. "If I call tonight, may I listen to you masturbate?"

"Yes." Her response was breathless and she felt herself quickly become wet at the thought. "Oh god, yes, Abelard."

"Excellent. It will probably be about midnight, your time."

"I'll be waiting for you," she replied, feeling deliciously naughty.

"Good. I should probably go. Morgan's starting to stir. Until tonight, my sweet Heloise."

"Tonight," she murmured in response, hanging up with him. This was so very foolish, yet it felt so right, so good. After being in control for so long, it was nice to give that control over to someone else, someone who understood her completely.

For the rest of the day, she went through the motions of work, bypassing going out for lunch in order to leave early. Helen knew she was distracted and tried to help her out as much as she could. "Have a good evening, Erin," she said softly as Erin locked her office door, the tulips in her arm.

"You, too, Helen." She made her way to the elevators and waited. She was impatient, knowing her release wouldn't come for hours yet. She rode down to the parking garage with a number of other people and was never more grateful to disappear into a crowd.

Needing to distract herself from the coming phone call, she turned her radio on to the classical station, increasing the volume until it drowned out her thoughts. Finally, she pulled into her garage and just sat behind the wheel, listening to the Holst piece. When it had finished, she turned her car off and went inside.

Going into the kitchen, she set her tulips down on the table and pulled out leftovers from the fridge. Sticking the bowl in the microwave, she set the timer for three minutes, letting it reheat while she poured herself a glass of milk. She took a long sip before refilling it and setting it next to the tulips.

The timer went off and she opened the microwave, taking out the steaming food. It smelled delicious and she set the bowl down before taking a seat. Erin couldn't keep her eyes off the tulips as she ate, wondering what Spencer was up to at the moment. When she had finished, she stuck the bowl in the dishwasher and started it before heading to the living room.

Erin curled up on the couch, turning the television on to AMC. They were in the middle of showing _Key Largo_ and she sighed happily. When the movie was over, they played _Casablanca_. Quickly becoming engrossed, she hardly heard the doorbell ring. Finally recognizing the sound, she stood up and wobbly made her way to the door.

Looking out the window, she saw Spencer standing there, and she smiled widely as she unlocked the door for him. "Spencer, come in! They're just finishing Casablanca!" She locked the door once more and tugged him into the living room. He sat next to her on the sofa and she curled up into him, turning her focus back on the screen. "I love this movie."

He understood her unspoken request and didn't say a word until the end credits rolled. "We resolved the case sooner than expected. The others went out to the bar, but I didn't feel in the mood for that. I had far more pleasant pursuits in mind." Spencer dragged his hand up her body to cup her breast, gently thumbing the nipple. She arched into the touch, her body instantly reacting to him.

"Do you still want to listen to me?" she asked, reveling in the feel of his hand slipping beneath the waistband of her skirt and panties to stroke her mound.

"More than that. I want to watch you." She nodded against his chest and he removed his hands. She whimpered at the removal and listened to him chuckle.

Standing, Erin held out her hand to him, tugging him up. She noticed the go bag in his hand and smiled. "That confident you're going to stay the night?"

"Yes." He pulled her close to him and kissed her hungrily, possessively. She melted into the masterful kiss, feeling her knees grow a bit weak as the embrace lingered on. "Are you planning on turning me away?"

"No." She began the trek upstairs, feeling like her legs would give out at any moment as she climbed. Somehow, she made it to her room and she sat heavily on the bed.

His fingers made short work of the buttons on her blouse, slipping it off her shoulders while she undid the buttons on his shirt. As her fingers fumbled with his belt buckle, he unhooked her bra, tugging it off her body. As she dragged his pants and boxers down his legs, she found him hard already. She reached out to caress him, only for him to stop her. "No."

"Why?"

"I want to see you cum first." She nodded and unzipped her skirt, lifting her hips so that he could finish undressing her. "Do you use just your fingers, or do you use any toys?"

"Usually just my fingers. I have a dildo, but I prefer the feel of skin on skin." He nodded and she scooted back on the bed, arranging the pillows to support her in a more reclining position. "I start with my breasts, they're usually so responsive to my touch. Or anyone's, really."

Erin cupped her breasts, feeling the bandages still on her left nipple. She peeled them off, noticing the accompanying tug at her core. He took them from her hand and threw them away before sitting next to her on the bed, watching her. She pinched her nipples lightly before massaging the heavy globes. She could hear his breathing become unsteady and she smiled. Leaving one hand on her right breast, she trailed the other down her stomach, stopping at her mound.

Locking eyes with Spencer, she gently parted her folds, feeling how wet she already was, Biting her lip, she thumbed her clitoris, her hips rolling up into her hand. Once her fingers were coated in her juices, she inserted two into her tight channel. Erin let her eyes close heavily as she added another finger and began to pump them in and out, ramping the pleasure up in her body. "Spencer," she lowly moaned, seeing him in her mind's eye.

The pleasure just seemed to build as she knew he was watching her get off to the thought of him. Her inner muscles clamped around her fingers, drawing her deeper in. And then she felt it, her zenith, and she let herself go, wailing his name as she came.

Opening her eyes to look at him once more, she was met with the reflection of her desire. "That was so amazing, Erin. None of my other girlfriends have felt free enough to do that in front of me." Erin smiled at the way he labeled her as his and reached out for him. Clasping her hand tightly, he brought it to his lips, sucking the juices off.

She couldn't stop her moan and she watched him smile around her fingers. "Spencer, please," she whimpered and he nodded, stretching out his body along hers. He kissed her, softly and gently, and she wrapped an arm around his waist. "Mine?" she asked when they'd broken the kiss.

"Mine.," he responded possessively, gripping her hip tightly. She hissed in pained pleasure, listening to him chuckle lowly. "Do you like a little pain?"

"Sometimes. It reminds me I'm alive. But will you make love to me now? I want to feel you in side me."

Spencer nodded and kissed her once more as he fitted himself between her thighs. Erin sighed against his lips as he thrust into her pliant body. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she drew him in deeper, angling her hips so that he filled her more completely. "Erin, I'm going to cum. Do you mind?"

"No, I've had my orgasm already." She clamped down on him, and he groaned as his hips jerked into her. She felt him explode into her and she relaxed her body, savoring his release.

Spencer made no move to withdraw from her body, instead resting his comforting weight on top of her body. Erin ran her fingers through his hair. "You're wonderful, Erin. So soft, so lovely." He punctuated his words with kisses to her face and she felt herself tearing up. "What's wrong?"

"I think I'm waiting for me to wake up from this really wonderful dream. It doesn't seem possible that someone like you would want to be with someone like me. I don't know why, but I want so badly for you to be mine. I'm possessive, short-tempered, and easily hurt, so I've learned to guard certain parts of my heart."

"And I've managed to worm my way past those defenses." She nodded. "I'm actually a lot like you. Easily hurt, possessive, but I'm slow to anger most times." The first tear slipped down her cheek and he wiped it away. "But one thing I know is you are going to be mine."

Erin kissed him softly, letting her tears come. Spencer rolled them onto their sides, rubbing her back gently. "Talk to me?"

"About what, Erin?"

"Anything. I want to know more about you and I'm not tired yet."

"Okay." He took a deep breath and stared into her eyes. She loved the intimate contact, even if it did make her feel like she was going to cry again. "When Emily 'died' I thought I'd fall off the wagon. The cravings were so intense. I talked to my sponsor about it, but never revealed how close I was. I had actually bought a vial of Dialaudid."

"Spencer," she murmured, splaying her hand out on his back.

"I know. I threw it in JJ's face, though, once Emily returned to us. In a fit of anger, I broke her heart, and it felt good. We've never really gotten back to the place we once were."

"You can never really rebuild a relationship to where it once was. The past colors everything." He nodded and pulled her ever closer to his body. "Sometimes, though, we become stronger at the broken spots."

"I can hear the experience in your voice." He kissed her cheek tenderly. "I wanted to send you orchids, but they weren't in stock at the florist I called."

"I love orchids."

"I figured you would."

"But I love irises the most." He furrowed his brow, obviously trying to figure out what she meant. "And yes, I know they were named after the Greek goddess of the rainbow. You're not the only one who knows completely esoteric things."

"What did you major in?"

"Psychology. I had a minor in English Literature, though. And a voracious appetite for books."

"We'll have to compare notes."

"I'd rather learn as we go along, if you don't mind."

He nodded and hugged her close. "That sounds good to me, too. Do you have a favorite book, though?"

"Yes. _The Pillars of the Earth_."

"That surprises me. I would have thought it was something like _Murder on the Orient Express_ or _Smiley's People_."

"Those are good choices, too. Have you read _House of Leaves_?"

"No, I haven't. Is it any good?"

"I rather enjoyed it. It's very post-modern in construction, with lots of footnotes and allusions to Greek mythology. My youngest read it in her AP English course last year for extra credit. It kind of freaked her out a little, so she refused to read it without me."

"Did you read it aloud together?"

"Uh huh," she replied, smiling at the memory. "I felt like I was fifteen years younger, reading to my baby again."

"I loved when my mother read to me. It's one of the things I miss the most, truth be told."

Erin reached up and caressed her lover's face. "What else did your mother teach you?"

"When to know the right person finds you. Mom never stopped loving my dad, he was always the one. He just couldn't cope with her illness." He leaned in to kiss her and she returned the kiss sweetly. "Erin, you know the implications of me claiming you?" She nodded. "What are we going to do about work, then?"

"I don't know, Spencer. This is happening so quickly. For once, though, quick is something good." He nodded and she snuggled into him, wanting to shut out the real world for just a moment.

"That it is, Erin. Though we're going to have to face the rest of them eventually."

"Are you a mind reader, Spencer? I know we'll have to think of something eventually, but for now I am content with being your ever faithful Heloise."

Erin felt him kiss the top of her head and she sighed. "And I'll be your loving Abelard. I will never abandon you, though, Erin. He was weak, and I don't want you to think that will be me."

"I know that's not you. You're loyal to a fault, one of the traits I've always admired in you." She took a deep breath. "Do you think this could be love?"

"It could very well be the start of love. We share similar life experiences, we're well matched sexually, and it seems as though we like each other. Three very good foundations to love, wouldn't you say?"

"Yes." She brought her hand up to tug lightly on his nipple ring, needing to do something with her hand. "Usually, I'm exhausted after sex, and yet here I am, still wide awake."

"I could hum for you again. That seemed to relax you last time."

"That would be nice. My father used to sing me to sleep on stormy nights, or whenever I was too keyed up to sleep. And please do not say anything about the Electra complex."

Her statement caused him to laugh and she relished how the vibrations made her body feel. "This is going to be an amazing relationship, I can tell. Now, do you have a particular tune you'd like to hear from me?"

"Something by Beethoven. The Pastoral, perhaps?"

"Of course, my faithful Heloise." He began to hum the melody of the song and she could feel it soak into her bones, relaxing her almost instantly.

"Oh, my loving Abelard," she murmured as her eyes fluttered closed. She was asleep before he had finished the first movement.


	3. The Space Between Dream and Reality

Erin drifted awake from a sweet dream. Spencer was lying next to her, his arm around her waist, and she burrowed into the warmth he gave off. Both of them were hesitant about making their relationship official, to call themselves a couple, even though they'd been sleeping together for three weeks now. They had a good thing going, and she didn't want to rock the boat too much.

"What are you thinking about, my tender Heloise?" he asked as he woke up as well, his hand cupping her breast, tugging at her piercing.

"I'm going to sing for you," she blurted out as the space between dream and reality faded with the morning dew.

"What?" He sat up, pulling her over to rest on his chest so he could play with her hair.

"At your club. It's open mic night tonight, and I want to sing for you. I contacted the owner and he said I could do a three song set. I want to risk this for you, after everything you've risked for me."

"I'm playing tonight, too, for an hour. The team is going to be there, they haven't heard me play in a while."

"Oh." She felt strangely hurt by the admission and began to get up. "I can…"

"No! I'm your faithful Abelard. I am not ashamed of you, nor do I want to hide you away. You just needed to know, in case that would change your mind. My set tonight will be dedicated to my tender Heloise. It's going to be my way of letting them know I have a girlfriend."

He bent his head and kissed her forehead and she just sighed. "I can be such a fool, Spencer."

"No, you're not a fool, Erin. You are coming out of a long winter and learning what warmth and love are once more." She nodded and he kissed her again. "Now, we need to get moving, or we'll be late to work. That would really get tongues wagging."

"If they figure us out tonight?" she asked as she got out of bed, walking over to her dresser.

"Then we go from there. You might have to do a little damage control, but I feel confident that we can get through anything Erin?" She turned to look at him as she fastened her bra. "Would you mind if I thought of you as my partner?"

A great joy welled up in her breast and she shook her head. "No, I would not mind that at all."

He blushed as he tugged on a pair of khaki pants. "How can such a little thing like that make you so happy?"

"I've been living in limbo for about two years now, Spencer, not knowing of anything in my life would be there in the morning when I got up. By you claiming me as your partner, you've given this some permanence, some heft, and that sets my soul at ease." She zipped her skirt and went over to him as she tugged on her blouse. "As you said, winter is over, and with spring comes joy unbridled."

Erin stopped in front of her Spencer, waiting for his response. It didn't take long as he bent and kissed her softly. He let the kiss linger until she thought she would drown in the taste of his sweet lips. "I'll see you tonight at the club, then," he said once he'd released her. She nodded and watched him amble from her bedroom.

Once he'd gone, she hurried to the bathroom to do her hair and makeup. Before leaving, she set out the slinky red dress she'd bought for tonight and put her silver pumps next to it on the bed. Taking the stairs two at a time, she smiled widely. In the kitchen, he'd set out her coffee mug, filled and waiting for her next to her purse and keys. His thoughtfulness was one of the things she'd quickly grown accustomed to and it had endeared him to her.

While she was driving, her phone rang and she touched her Bluetooth. "Hello?"

"Hello, Erin. I forgot to tell you, bring a go bag with you tonight. I'm taking you home with me."

Erin could feel her cheeks redden with pleasure as she drew in a deep breath. "That will be really nice, Spencer. Am I going to pack for the weekend, then?"

"Yes. Pack casual clothes, though, I want to go for a walk in the park with you. I know, how romantic for a first day out with you."

"I'm going to consider tonight as our first official date, Spencer." She loved saying his name, knowing he was hers.

She listened to him cough, as if he had choked on his breath. "That sounds like a better plan. Today is going to drag by, since I don't really have much work to do. You know, I've found myself mooning over you? Emily swears it's because she's leaving again."

"And you're letting her believe that?"

"Do you know how badly Morgan would tease me if he knew a woman had put my head in the clouds? I love you, Erin, but I'm not about to let that give him ammunition."

He had said those words so casually she thought she had heard wrong. "After three weeks…"

"My mom told me that when you know, you know."

"And now my day is going to drag on, too. I love you, and I'll see you this evening."

"Until this evening, my sweet Heloise." He hung up and she sank back in her seat, a dumb grin on her face. She had not been able to tell her ex-husband those words until they'd been dating six months, and then only because she felt she had to. Their parents had pushed them together since grade school, and she felt duty-bound in marrying him.

But Spencer, he excited her, he understood her, and he loved her. She had never expected to fall in love with him, she was just so overwhelmed by the suddenness of it all. She drove on autopilot the rest of the way to work, thinking about her lover.

By the time she got up to her office, she was officially in la-la land and she nodded to her assistant as she went into her personal sanctum. Sighing like a lovesick schoolgirl, she flopped down in her chair and stared at her computer screen. As he computer booted up, she thought about the three songs she was going to sing. It had been easy to come up with 'A Nightingale Sang in Berkley Square' and 'In a Sentimental Mood', but 'Peel Me a Grape' had taken her longer to feel comfortable with.

"Chief Strauss, Agent Hotchner is requesting to see you." She looked up at Helen and blinked a few times. "I can ask him to come back later, if that would be better."

"No, Helen, now is fine. Send him in." Helen nodded and motioned to him and he soon appeared in front of her. "Please, have a seat. What can I do for you?"

"I'm worried about Dr. Reid, Erin. I know he's been dealing with some headache issues, but those seemed to be getting better. In the last month, however, he's been spacy, staring off into the distance at the oddest times."

"Is it interfering with his work?" she asked, trying to look serious.

"Not yet, no."

"Then I fail to see what the problem is, Aaron. Have any of you considered the idea that he might have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?"

He shook his head. "Reid isn't the mooning type, Erin."

"When you fall in love, Aaron, weird things happen. Don't be so quick to discount the obvious. Dr. Reid is human after all." She found herself smiling kindly at him and enjoyed the confused look that rippled over his face. "Do you need anything else?"

"No, Ma'am. Oh we will be heading out a little early today. Reid's playing at his club tonight, and we're going to go see him. Is that going to be a problem?"

"No. You all put in such long hours that one early slip out will not be noticed. I hope you all have a good time tonight."

"Thank you," he said, still looking confused. "Um, have a good weekend."

"I will, Agent Hotchner." She stood and he followed suit, letting her usher him to the door. "And tell Dr. Reid that I hope he does well this evening."

"You're more than welcome to come, too, you know."

She was touched by the spontaneous offer, knowing he truly meant well. "Perhaps you'll see me there, then. Have a good day."

"You as well, Erin." He left her office and she shut the door, leaning against it. At least, this way, she had planted the idea of her being there in his head.

Taking a deep breath, she sat back down and fought to concentrate on her work. It was a losing battle and shortly after one, she stood up, grabbed her purse, and left her office. "Helen, I'm heading home now. Please hold my calls or take messages for Monday. Have a good weekend."

"You, too, Erin." The woman smiled at her, as if she knew what was going on. Erin just shook her head and made her way to the elevators. While waiting for one, she looked in the bullpen and caught Spencer looking at her. She smiled and then turned away from him, certain that she was about to give them away.

She was barely halfway down to the parking garage when her phone chirped. Pulling it out, she saw a text from him. _Bring a set of handcuffs with you, if you have them._

_I prefer silk scarves, Spencer. My skin tends to bruise easily. Will that be okay?_

_Perfectly so. Hotch told me._

_Better to plant the idea, my faithful Abelard._

_There is that. Until tonight, my sweet Heloise._

Erin smiled and slipped her phone back in her purse. She didn't remember the drive home, but she was soon parking and heading inside. Once in her bedroom, she packed up her weekend bag before stripping and going into the bathroom. She had five hours to get ready, so she decided to take a bath.

She turned the water on, getting the temperature just right before adding vanilla bath oil to it. Stepping inside the tub, she sank into the warmth of the water, relishing the way it lapped at her skin. She relaxed in the tub, washing her body slowly as she thought about the evening ahead. It would be so wonderful to sing for him.

When the water began to cool, she let it drain and then stood up, closing the curtain as she turned the shower on to wash her hair. With that finished, she stepped out and wrapped a towel around her body. Sitting on the toilet, she worked lotion into her heels, knees, and elbows before letting the towel drop to the floor as she blow dried her hair.

Going back into the bedroom, she began to dress, attaching shimmery hose to a black lace garter belt. Her dress had a built in bra, so she was able to forgo that piece of clothing. Padding back into the bathroom, she applied her makeup, making certain to do the smoky eye shadow she knew Spencer liked to see on her. She painted her lips a bright, brilliant, red and then styled her hair so that it obscured her right eye.

By the time she had finished, she had thirty minutes to get to the club. Stepping into her heels and picking up her bag, she went downstairs and grabbed her clutch, stuffing her phone inside. The drive did little to calm the nerves that had sprung up in her stomach and she tapped her fingers anxiously on the steering wheel of her car.

Erin went to the back door as instructed and the woman she'd spoken with on the phone greeted her. "Erin, right?" She nodded. "All right, you're going on after our resident trumpet player, Jody Marvin. Spencer will be after you, so you'll have a little time to go out and watch him. Here's the full lineup." She handed her a piece of paper that had their names on it and Erin scanned the list, looking to see if anyone else she knew would be there. The first thing that jumped out to her was the fact that she was performing fourth that evening. "The band will accompany you, and they have your order of songs already. Any questions?"

"I forgot to bring a copy of my music!" she exclaimed, realizing she'd left it on the counter.

"Don't worry, I always make a copy for our vocalists, just in case this happens." The woman led her over to an alcove and pulled out a slim black folder. "Here you go. Try not to be nervous, you'll do fine."

Erin tried to smile, but found herself too nervous to do so. "Heloise!" Turning, she stepped into Spencer's open arms, letting him rub her back. Tenderly, he kissed her cheek. "You look ravishing."

"Thank you," she replied as he led her over to the green room. A number of people were warming up, and Spencer played some scales for her so that her voice wouldn't be totally cold going on stage.

"All right, I'm going out into the audience now. The others snagged tables right next to the stage, so they will recognize you. Keep your eyes on me. I love you."

"I love you, too." He kissed her cheek once more and left her alone backstage. Everything passed in a blur and then she was stepping on the stage. The band played the intro to 'In a Sentimental Mood' and she found her Spencer in the crowd. He was seated next to Agent Jareau, grinning at her.

The songs poured from her throat as she never took her eyes from her lover. When she'd finished, she took a bow and then went backstage. Giving her music to the stage manager, she hurried out into the audience, finding a seat where she could see Spencer. He went to the mic before beginning to play. "This is for my tender Heloise," he said softly, looking directly at her.

Erin smiled and listened to him play, never noticing Dave come up to her until he sat down. "Is he your Abelard, then, Erin?"

She turned her head to look at him, wary of how he would react. "It depends. Who else knows?"

"Just me, at the moment, and I won't tell if you don't want me to. Are you two happy?"

"Yes. Incredibly so."

"That's all that matters, Erin. Come on and join us, you shouldn't be alone." She nodded and took his hand, following him over to the tables where Alpha team was camped out.

"I had no idea you could sing like that, Ma'am," Ms. Garcia gushed. "You and Reid are going to have to do some songs together sometime, if his girlfriend will let him."

"I'm sure they'll be able to arrange that, Kitten." Ms. Garcia just beamed at Dave, not making the connection.

Erin focused on her lover for the rest of his set, watching his fingers dance over the keys. "He's utterly amazing," she said quietly. Dave nodded and she blinked back sudden tears. "I'm glad you know."

When Spencer had finished, he joined them, pushing his way between her and Ms. Garcia. "I didn't know you could sing so well, Chief Strauss. You sounded beautiful."

"Thank you, Dr. Reid." She smiled at him, feeling free enough to do so. "And you're a wonderful player." He nodded and fell into a conversation with Agent Hotchner. Without anyone else noticing, he slipped his hand under the table and caressed her leg. She struggled to keep herself under control as she talked with Dave.

She had almost let go of the frayed strand that was her control when Spencer stood. "My mom is expecting me to call her this evening. I'll see you all on Monday." Once he was out the door, her phone rang and she answered. "Make your excuses and meet me outside. I want to kiss you so badly."

"Yes, I understand, I'll be right there." She looked around the tables, smiling apologetically. "I'm sorry, I have to go as well. Work, you know." The nodded at her and she caught Dave's wink at her. Gliding from the building, she found herself wrapped up into a warm hug and she melted into the embrace as Spencer kissed her hungrily.

"I've been wanting to do that since you began to sing 'Peel Me a Grape'. God, Erin, I can't get enough of you." He kissed her once more, softly nipping at her lower lip. "I'll try to drive slowly, my lovely Heloise."

She nodded and went over to her car, following him home. When she'd parked, she barely had time to grab her bag before he was on her, kissing her once more. The sweet, heady, passion thrilled her and she gave herself over to it. "I don't think I can wait for any setup, Spencer. We'll play with the scarves tomorrow?"

"That's fine, I don't think I can last much longer, either." He led her to his apartment and ushered her inside. The first thing she noticed was the scent of old books. "Through here," he murmured, leading her into a bedroom lined with shelves of books. She stepped out of her heels, letting him unzip her dress and peel it away from her body. "Do you mind if I leave your garter and hose on?"

She shook her head and then gasped as he knelt in front of her, kissing her mound as he tugged off her panties. He then kissed his way up her body, paying special attention to her breasts, before capturing her lips once more. As they kissed, she undressed him, pushing his clothes to the floor before falling back on the bed, taking him with her. "Make love to me, Spencer."

"Gladly, Erin…"


	4. Jolt!

"Ms. Garcia, I really must announce you. She could be on an important call!" Sitting up with a jolt, Erin looked to her door, watching Helen argue with the woman.

Standing up quickly, she went to the door and opened it all the way. "Yes, Ms. Garcia?"

"I need to talk to you. Do you have a moment?" Noticing that the woman was close to tears, she nodded, ushering her inside. Closing the door, she sat down on her sofa and waited for Ms. Garcia's next move. The younger woman sat very close to her and reached out to clasp her hand.

"Ms. Garcia, what is it?"

"Please, call me Penelope. If you're Reid's lover, you're my friend. He's waiting for you in the parking garage. His mother was attacked by another patient just now and it doesn't look good for her. He wants you to go with him to Vegas."

Erin felt the blood drain from her face as she tried to nod. She stood shakily and groped for her go bag. "Does he have our plane tickets already?"

"Hotch is letting him use the jet. We're all chipping in to pay for the fuel, since it is an unauthorized trip." The woman, Penelope, pulled her into a tight hug. "Don't worry, I'm the only one who knows about you two. Watch over him for us, would you? This is going to devastate him so."

She nodded and went over to her desk, grabbing her purse. "I'll call you with updates." Penelope nodded as well and followed her from the office. "Helen, I'm going to Las Vegas. There's an emergency out there I have to deal with. Send along anything important in my email."

Her assistant nodded. "Take care, Ma'am."

"I'll try." She felt sick to her stomach and could only imagine what Spencer was going through. Hardly noticing Penelope shadowing her, she went to the elevator bank and pressed the down button. "Pray for us, Penelope."

"Always, Chief Strauss."

"Erin," she said as the elevator doors opened. Penelope smiled kindly at her, and she tried to smile back. Thankfully, there was no one else in the car with her, and she let her tears fall. Spencer was waiting for her when the doors opened and she fell into his open arms. "We'll take my car, Spencer. It goes faster." He nodded against her shoulder and together they walked to her Lexus.

"I'll drive."

"Of course, Spencer." She threw her go bag in the backseat and he followed suit. Once they were underway, she called Helen. "I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you that if Shepperd asks, I had a family emergency in Las Vegas. I'm expecting to be out a week. If it's going to be longer than that, I'll let you know."

"All right, Erin. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Not that I can think of, thank you. I'll try to keep in touch."

"Just take care of yourself, Erin. I'll hold down things here." Helen said before she hung up.

Erin smiled and put her phone away. Turning in the seat, she watched Spencer, noticing the tear tracks down his cheeks. Reaching out, she swiped at them with her thumb, feeling her own sorrow well up once more. "Spencer…"

"I know, Erin. I didn't say thank you, you know. I really appreciate you coming with me."

"I love you, Spencer. That means I would do anything for you. Including moving heaven and earth to save her."

"While I don't think that will be possible, thank you for the sentiment. I'm not ready to lose her, Erin." He pulled into the parking lot of the airfield and turned off her car.

She got out and grabbed their bags before opening his door. "Come along, my faithful Abelard. Our jet is waiting." She held out her hand and he clasped it tightly, pulling himself up to stand next to her. The pilot was waiting for them and nodded as they boarded the plane.

As soon as they were in the air, she curled into Spencer, resting her head on his chest. He began to stroke her hair and this made her cry once more. She knew her Spencer was crying, too, as she could feel it in the way he breathed. "How do I say goodbye, Erin? I've known this was coming, but still…"

"It's so very sudden and violent. It's jolted you from someday to now." He nodded and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "My own mother was murdered when I was sixteen. She had gone to the bank one morning and landed in the middle of a robbery. They pulled me out of history class to tell me. She had seen the perfect dress for my prom and impulsively decided to get money out for it."

"And you never did another impulsive thing until now."

"That's right. Now you're in my life and have brought me such great joy and love. Your sorrow is my sorrow, Spencer."

"And your joy is my joy, Erin." She looked up and he kissed her sweetly. "When I think about how much I love you, it scares me. It doesn't make logical sense to love you, given our age difference. Other than my mother, though, you are the person who means the most to me in this world."

The honesty in his voice touched her heart and she snuggled into him. "It was hard, pretending we weren't a couple during the bank operation. I kept watching for you, listening for you, and I was sure Aaron would figure me out."

"And I wanted you to be my plus one at the wedding."

"Is that why you called so many times?" He nodded and she smiled before spreading her hand out over his heart.

"I write to my mother every day. She knows you're in my life." He paused, twirling a piece of her hair between his fingers. "I want to make this more official than just partners who sleep together every night I'm home. I want you to be by my side every minute of every day. I want everyone to know."

"Spencer?"

"We've been together three months now. I love you. You love me. I'm not one for a big, fancy, party and we are going to be in Vegas shortly. Marry me."

"Yes." Once more, she felt a wave of great joy sweep over her and she leaned back to look into his eyes. "Yes. I don't know how we'll navigate work, but I would love to be Mrs. Spencer Reid."

He kissed her gently and she melted into the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Under every grief and pine runs a thread with silver twine," he murmured in her ear.

"Oh, how I love William Blake's poetry."

"I love that you know his poetry. While my mother introduced me to Chaucer, I discovered Blake on my own." He kissed her hungrily and she felt her body respond to him. "I won't let them destroy our garden of love."

"I won't either. Are you going to…?"

"I would like to, if you don't mind." She shook her head and he pushed her back onto the seat. As she pulled her skirt up around her waist, he tugged her underwear off before unbuckling his belt and pulling his pants and boxers down. She wasn't quite ready for him, and she tried not to cry out in pain. He noticed her discomfort and reached down to tease her clit, sending a flood of fluid into her channel, easing his way. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she murmured, pulling him down on top of her so she could kiss him as he thrust in and out of her body. It didn't take long for him to climax and he collapsed on her, nuzzling his face into her neck as he sobbed. "What is it, my love?"

"I hurt you."

"A momentary discomfort. Your needs were greater than my comfort." She stroked his hair as she cried herself, feeling his sorrow keenly. They must have fallen asleep, because the next thing she knew, the plane had begun its descent. Spencer sat up and grabbed her panties, handing them to her.

"I didn't want to wake you," he said softly. "You looked so peaceful in my arms, so I just watched you, trying to find that same sense of peace. I'm so glad you are here with me."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." She sat up and pulled on her panties. "I wouldn't have been any good at the office, had I stayed behind. Can you imagine what your friends would have gone through?" She leaned over and kissed her Spencer tenderly.

The plane landed and they hurried through the airport to get a cab. They were silent the entire drive to the hospital, but he held onto her hand tightly. He dragged her into the hospital and up to the information desk. "Spencer Reid and my wife, Erin. You have my mother, Diana Reid, here."

The woman smiled kindly at them as she tapped on her keyboard. "She's in the ICU right now. Follow Emily, she'll lead the way." She wrote something down on a slip of paper before handing it to the young blonde woman.

They trailed after her and were soon on an elevator, stepping out onto the ICU floor. Erin was instantly overwhelmed by the oppressive silence there and she clung to Spencer. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. Finally, Emily stopped in front of an open door. "Mrs. Reid is in here."

They nodded together and stepped inside. A doctor was checking out the various beeping machines and Spencer cleared his throat. "Dr. Reid?" Spencer nodded. "I've been waiting for you. You have some decisions to make…"

As they talked, Erin took a seat next to Diana, picking up her hand. "Hello, Diana, I'm Erin. I'm going to marry your son while we're here. You raised a fine son, he treats me like a queen. I wish there was more time to get to know you. I would have liked having a mother again."

She felt Spencer's hand come to rest on her shoulder and she looked up at him. "The doctor is going to turn off the machines now. He said it would be quick and relatively painless." She nodded and he sat next to her, taking hold of his mother's hand. "Mom, this is the woman I love. I wish you could have met her, I know you would have loved her. She knows Blake and Abelard. In fact, she's my faithful Heloise. I love you, Mom."

He fell silent and Erin began to cry once more. She scooted her chair closer to his and laid her head on his shoulder as they waited. It seemed to take forever for the machines to show a slowdown and then stop to her breathing and her heart. When it happened, the doctor made a note in the chart and then left the room, closing the door behind him. Erin's tears turned to sobs at the same time Spencer broke down and they held onto each other tightly. "What now?" she finally whispered.

"We go find a hotel. I've already made arrangements for her body to be cremated, I did that years ago, just in case. Once we're checked in, we're going to find a chapel and get married. I don't ever want you to leave my side." They stood and he pulled her into a warm embrace. "I love you, Erin Strauss."

"I love you, Spencer Reid." Hand in hand, they left the room and by the time they got back down to the lobby, they had managed to put on halfway together looks. After hailing a cab, Spencer told the driver to take them to the Excalibur.

"This is my home, Erin. Why do I feel so adrift?"

"Your last tie to it was just severed. There's nothing holding you here anymore." He nodded and she snuggled into him, watching the lights of the Strip sparkle in the sunlight.

"We'd like a room, please," he said once they'd made their way to the check in counter. "The best you have available."

"For how long?" the woman asked.

"Two nights." He tightened his arm around her waist and she smiled slightly.

"All right, you'll be in one of our executive suites on the thirtieth floor." Spencer showed her his id and the woman nodded. "And may I have your credit card, please?" He handed it over and she ran it through her machine. While it was processing, the woman showed them where their room was. After Spencer had signed the receipt, they were given the keys and hand in hand they went over to the elevator bank.

"Spencer, this is too much."

"It's not enough." His cellphone rang and he took it off his belt. "It's Penelope. Hey, Garcia. We got here in time to say goodbye. Erin and I are staying at the Excalibur tonight and tomorrow night. We'll be driving back, since there are so many hoops to jump through to bring the ashes home on a plane. Oh, and we're getting married tonight. Of course, here she is."

Spencer handed her the phone and she smiled at him. "Hello, Penelope."

"Why didn't you tell me you two were going to elope? I can't keep a secret this big!"

"Then don't."

"What? Have you lost your mind? What about Director Shepperd? This could cost you your job, since you're Reid's supervisor!"

"And I don't think I care at this point. I love him, Penelope, and if that's the price I have to pay, so be it."

"So, you're his faithful Heloise. I never expected either of you to be so freaking romantic. It really is adorable." Erin heard her sigh and she smiled a little wider.

"Well, we were going to keep it quiet, but then David found out and now you…"

"Don't worry, we'll look out for you. Have fun tonight."

"I've been having fun for weeks. Now is our time to be."

"Too true, Angelfish. I'll make sure no one bothers you until you get home. Talk to you later!" The woman hung up just as the doors opened up on their floor.

"Shall we?" he asked as he held out his arm. She took it and they went down to their suite. The first thing she noticed was how large the bed was. The next was all the windows. "I want to make love to my wife with all the curtains open."

"I would love nothing more than that. Do you think my outfit is okay?"

He nodded. "You're beautiful, no matter what you're wearing, or not wearing. You'll probably want to redo your makeup, though. You have raccoon eyes." Spencer tenderly ran his thumb beneath her eyes and she leaned into the touch. He lifted her chin and kissed her softly. "My loyal Heloise."

"My faithful Abelard," she whispered before kissing him once more. Taking out her makeup bag, she went into the bathroom and sat down at the vanity. As she washed her face, he came up behind her and watched as she reapplied her makeup. Reaching over her shoulder, he grabbed her brush and began to style her hair.

When finished, she stood and wrapped her arms around him. "Are you ready to do this?"

"I am, Spencer." He slipped his arm around her waist and they went out to the elevators. On the ride down, she rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was steady and soothing, and she felt herself relax into him.

They went up to the concierge desk and were given directions to the chapel. While Spencer got all of the documentation taken care of, Erin was ushered into the floral room and told to pick out a ready-made bouquet. She fell in love with one made from midnight blue irises and the clerk whipped up a quick boutonniere for her soon to be husband.

When they came back together, he beloved was smiling bemusedly. "We'll have to pick out rings after this. I sort of forgot about those." She nodded and went to his side, sighing as he slid his arm around her waist once more, where it belonged.

"All right, are you two ready to get married?" the minister asked as he led them to the front of the chapel.

"Yes," they replied in tandem, stopping on their marks. The ceremony was quite brief and soon, Spencer was lifting her chin and kissing her. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close as the kiss lingered on. They finally came up for air and she tried to smile prettily for the camera.

"Hello, Mrs. Reid."

"Hello, my love." Her stomach growled loudly and he laughed. "I guess we should get something to eat."

"I guess." He clasped her hand and they took the paperwork from the minister's hand. "Let's run this up, though, so we don't lose it." She nodded and they made their way back to their room. Once safely behind the door, he began to cry again and she wrapped him in her arms, holding him tightly. "She's gone."

"I know, my love, I know." Somehow, she got him over to the bed and she stepped out of her shoes before pulling him down on the mattress, spooning up close to his body. "Spence, let me in."

Those words seemed to open something in him and he enveloped her in a tight, warm, hug. "Erin, my Erin, don't ever let me go." Blindly, his lips sought hers and their kiss was intense. She could feel everything he was trying to tell her through the buss and she hoped he could read her emotions just as well.

"I won't, I won't," she murmured as he covered her face in kisses. "Let's just rest and be for a while. We can get our ring tomorrow."

He pulled her tighter to him as he nodded. Slowly, their breathing evened out and she fell asleep shortly after he did.


	5. Our Own World

Erin woke and stretched, breathing in deeply. Blinking open her eyes, she looked up into Spencer's warm, sad, eyes. "Good morning, Spencer."

"More like good afternoon. Have you not been sleeping well lately?"

"I have nightmares when you're in the field. I sleep better with you." She lifted her lips for a kiss and he obliged her.

"Get up. I ordered us room service. We haven't eaten since yesterday." Her stomach spoke up, agreeing with him by loudly grumbling. They both laughed as he led her over to the table. Spencer pulled out her chair for her, and she smiled gently as she sat. "We haven't eaten together enough for me to know your preferences, so I hope you like this."

He pulled the lids off their plates to reveal he'd ordered them Peking Duck. "This looks delicious." He smiled in relief as he sat next to her. Erin tore into her food, hunger winning out over good manners. Her husband cleared their plates and then places a smaller plate in front of her. "You didn't get dessert?"

"I have plans for my dessert that involve chocolate and a paintbrush."

The way he looked at her, so hungry for her, made her blush, and she lifted the lid from the plate, handing it to him. Then she looked down and saw the rings embedded in the frosting of the cupcake. "Spencer?"

"I measured your finger while you slept and went and got us rings." He showed her the wide gold band on his finger and she nodded. Carefully, Erin pulled the rings out of the frosting and sucked it off. He took the bands from her hands, slipping the plain gold one on first. "With this ring, I thee wed." He slid the ornamental band on top and she smiled to see the sapphire nestled between two diamonds.

"Why a sapphire?" she asked as she broke off a piece of cupcake and popped it in her mouth.

"To match your eyes." He broke another piece off and held it out to her. She opened her mouth and he dropped it inside. Erin closed her lips around his fingers, sucking and licking at them. He groaned lowly and drew his fingers out. "Erin…"

"Chocolate time now?" He nodded and they stood, going over to the bed. She couldn't take her eyes off him as she stripped, letting her clothes fall to the floor.

"Climb into bed. I have to go grab a towel." She nodded and did as told, feeling anticipation build up in her body. Breathing in deeply, she could smell the chocolate and bit her lip. "Here we are."

She watched him strip the covers down to the foot of the bed and then spread out the towel. Erin arranged her body on the towel while Spencer disrobed and she watched him dip the brush in the can of chocolate, bringing it over to her body. The sweet liquid dripped onto her and she tried not to flinch or giggle as he painted her nipples, her stomach, and her mound. She lifted her hips in clear invitation to him. "Please…"

"This has to be done in the right order, Erin." He knelt on the bed and engulfed her breast, licking and sucking the chocolate off. Her hips bucked up once more, and he gently pushed her back down, running his thumb along the crease of her thigh. "I need to make up for the plane," he said lowly as he moved to her other breast. Ever so gently, his teeth tugged at her piercing and she reached up to bury a hand in his hair.

Erin whimpered lowly as he dragged a finger through the decoration on her stomach, offering it to her. She suckled on the digit with abandon, carefully biting down as he nipped at the too hard peak her nipple had become. Releasing her breast, he kissed his way down to the heart on her stomach. The moment his lips were there, she felt her back bow, the orgasm tearing through her.

Her husband didn't let up, caressing and sucking at her skin, building up another orgasm in her as he dragged his tongue down to her mound. The chocolate had begun to run down her labia and he feasted in her. The edges of her vision turned dark and everything seemed to come down to just them in their own little world.

Erin fought to catch her breath as she came down from the crest. Spencer cradled her gently and she felt his arousal, hard and throbbing, against her thigh. Spreading her legs, she guided him into her, welcoming his thrust with a thrust all her own. "Spencer," she breathed out as he set a slow, almost lazy, pace for them. They met halfway in an overwhelming kiss, and she felt her third orgasm build and build until finally she went over the edge, taking him with her.

When she opened her eyes again, he was on his side, staring at her, tracing patterns on her skin. "Welcome back. I was getting a little worried there for a moment."

"I haven't had three back to back orgasms in years, my caring Abelard." Sitting up, she wrapped her arms around her legs and smiled. "What are we going to do with the rest of our day?"

"I have to go to the funeral home at five and pick up the urn…"

"Don't you mean, we have to go?" He sat up next to her, slinging an arm around her shoulder, holding her close.

"Yes. That is exactly what I meant. I love you." He turned his head and kissed her cheek. "We'll head home tomorrow. I figured we could rent a car and drive slowly. We can use the time to get to know each other better. I already have your body memorized."

She blushed as she nodded. "We'll have to make a decision on where we're going to live, too. I rather like your apartment."

"And I rather like your house. I could pull some of my books out of storage. That is, if you want to stay at your house. We could always find somewhere new, somewhere just for us."

"Like a cottage on a lake," she murmured. "When I married Alan, that's what I had my heart set on. You saw what we ended up with. But since he has custody of our youngest, I guess it doesn't matter where I live." She snuggled into him, resting her head on his chest as he finger combed her hair. "Is it selfish that I want to live somewhere I can make new memories with you?"  
"No, it's not. So, until we find our cottage on the lake, we'll stay at…"

"The apartment. I want to be surrounded by you when you're in the field." Lifting her face, she kissed him sweetly. "I'll write the children and let them know about what's going on." They got up and he held out the fuzzy robe for her. Settling it around her shoulders, he then padded over to their bags and pulled out fresh clothes.

"We should go shopping, too, before we leave. Our clean clothes supply won't last us until we get back." She nodded and pulled her phone out of her purse before curling up on the sofa. Looking at the display, she saw she had numerous texts from Helen and Penelope, and she quickly scrolled through them.

"Shepperd wants to see me the minute we get back," she said softly, not looking up from the screen. "It seems that everyone knows already. Penelope sure moves quickly." She took a deep breath and he settled on the couch next to her, pulling her close.

"Is this going to be a good or bad thing?"

"I don't know, Spence. Maybe good, since he only wants to see me. Do you think I should call him now, instead?"

"It's only four o'clock back home, so why don't you, if this if going to bother you. I don't want you to worry about this the entire drive home."

She smiled a little and snuggled into his arms as she looked up Shepperd's office number in her contact list. As it dialed, she held out her free hand to her husband and he held it tightly. "Shepperd here."

"Hi, Ron, it's Erin. I know Helen told me you wanted to see me when we got back, but that's going to take a while, since we have to drive home. Am I in trouble?"

"I don't know, Erin. You tell me."

"No?"

He laughed kindly and she relaxed her hold on Spencer's hand. "Well, you're partially right. I am going to have to suspend you for two weeks, but with pay. Erin, this probably wasn't a wise decision."

"It was the right one, though. I love him, Ron, and he loves me."

"How long have you been together?"

"Almost four months. And don't even say it, I know how fast we've moved. Spencer is where my heart feels safe, though. What are we going to have to do when we get home?"

"I'm going to have to do some shuffling of the Section Chiefs. You'll still oversee Sam's team, though for obvious reasons, not Aaron's. Is there someone else you'd like to work with?"

She thought for a moment. "Perhaps Mike's team? We've always gotten along well."

"Consider it done. You know, Ms. Garcia had this silly idea in her head that I was going to fire both you and Dr. Reid. I'm not about to lose two of my best agents."

She smiled up at Spencer and he grinned back. "That sets my heart at ease, Ron. Thank you."

"No problem. I'll see you in three weeks."

Erin hung up and laughed. "Well, what's the verdict? Do we have jobs when we get back?"

"We do. I'm suspended for two weeks and I won't be in charge of your unit any longer. I guess he respects me more than I know."

"Good." He kissed her gently and she melted into the embrace. "Now get dressed so we can get some new clothes and pick up the urn."

She stood and let the robe drop to the floor, pulling on the panties Spencer had picked out for her. She wiggled her hips and heard him growl lowly. "Yes, honey?"

"Don't tempt me so." She giggled and pulled on her bra. "Do I need to spank you?"

She turned and locked eyes with him, grinning wickedly. "Maybe you do. Is there time for that?" She bit her finger innocently as she twisted her toe in the carpet.

He nodded and she made her way over to him. "Take down your panties." She did so, leaving them around her knees as she draped her body over his legs. The first sharp smack felt deliciously wanton and she gave herself over to the sensations, trusting Spencer not to hurt her. It was over far too soon and she whimpered lowly in frustration. "Too much too soon will leave you tender. And we have to drive three thousand miles home."

Getting up, she nodded and pulled up her panties. She finished dressing quickly and then leaned down to kiss him. "Are you ready?" she asked as she picked up her purse and phone.

"Yes." He stood and grabbed hold of her hand and they walked out together. "I love how much you trust me," he said as they rode the elevator down.

"I love how tender you are with me." She snuggled close to him, smiling as his hand slipped down to rest on her ass. "The things you do to me, Spencer."

"They're only equal to the things you do to me." He kissed her temple gently and she sighed. "I love your sighs. They let me know when you're happy or sad." The doors opened on the ground floor and they walked out hand in hand. As Spencer hailed a cab, she took out her phone and began to text Helen, telling her what was happening.

"Are we going to pick up the rental car first today?" she asked as she slid in next to him.

"Good idea. One less thing to worry about later on today." He looked at the taxi driver. "Harry, could you take us to the nearest car rental lot?" The man nodded and they were soon under way. The taxi dropped them off at Avis and she paid him before joining Spencer on the sidewalk. "What do you think – van or sedan?"

"A sedan will get better gas mileage."

"That's true. You know, your car is still at the airfield. We should probably have it brought home."

"While you get the car, I'll call Penelope and see if she can bring it to the apartment." He nodded and they went inside. Spencer went up to the counter while she hung back, dialing Penelope's office number.

"Erin Reid, why are you calling home on your honeymoon?"

She smiled at the use of her married name. "I need you to drive my car to our apartment. Helen has an extra set of keys. I had forgotten we'd left it at the airfield."

"Oh, of course I can do that! How are you guys holding up?"

"I think we're going to be okay, in time. And thank you for looking out for us." She looked up to see Spencer dangling the keys in front of her face. "We have to go now. I'll try to keep in touch."

"Okay, Erin. Let Reid know I love you guys."

"I will." She hung up and slipped her arm around her husband's waist. "Penelope sends her love. What kind of car did you get for us?"

"A black Lexus." He led her out to the lot and they found the vehicle quickly. "What are you going to do for two weeks, Erin?"  
"Pack, bring over my clothes, read some of those books that line your walls. And I'll be waiting for you to come back to me each night. I'll be able to cook for you. I'm not one to be Suzy Homemaker, but it will be fun for a few weeks." She felt herself grin wickedly. "I want to be a good for you, Spencer," she purred.

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "But not too good. Right, Erin?"

His words alone were enough to make her wet and she nodded. "Right."

"Like right now you want to masturbate for me." She drew in a sharp breath as she felt herself grow wetter. Shifting in the seat, she reclined it a little and then tugged her panties down ot her knees. "That smells so good, my darling Heloise."

Erin heard herself whine at his words and she awkwardly slipped her fingers between her folds. "Spencer, do you know how wet I am? How much I want you right now?" she murmured as she rubbed her clit with her thumb. "I'm so close." The orgasm overwhelmed her and vaguely she heard how she wailed his name.

"You are amazing, Erin." She nodded lazily and tugged her panties back into place. As she sat up, he reached out for her hand, bringing it up to his lips to softly lick and suck her fingers clean.

"Just so you know, we're not doing that at work. While Ron may like me, I'd rather not push my luck, okay?" He nodded and let go of her hand. "Now tell me a story about your mother."

"All right." He took a deep breath and she rubbed his arm encouragingly. "She always read to me. And not kid's books. I knew _The Canterbury Tales_ intimately by the time I was ten. Same goes for the legends of King Arthur. I was convinced that dragons were real and she did little to discourage me. But I missed out on a lot. I haven't read many fairy tales, or the books that most kids have. But I don't think I would change a single moment. She loved me, and gave me the best education."

"And she raised a kind, loving, son. I tend to say I love you, a lot," she blurted out, staring at her lap.

"Why?"

"I never got to tell me mother that. We'd argued that morning, Spencer, and then she was gone. So now, I say I love you as much as I can. It rather annoys my children, and I don't want to annoy you."

He pulled into the parking lot of a large mall and stopped the car. "I love you, Erin. It will never annoy me to hear you say that." She felt hot tears prickle her eyes and dared to look up at him. He was crying again as well, and she scooted over in the seat to hold him tightly to her as they cried.

"My dear, sweet, loving, Abelard, lean on me. I love you." Blindly, she sought his lips out, kissing him sloppily. She could taste their tears on her lips and she held him all the tighter.

"My loving, lovely, Heloise." He rubbed her back in soothing circles. "Thank you." She nodded and they kissed once more. Getting out of the car, they walked into the mall. "Do you want me to come with you, or should we meet at the car in an hour's time?"  
"Come with me, please." She was suddenly anxious to not be alone, and he picked up on her mood, reaching out to take hold of her hand. "I want to head to Bloomingdale's. I'll just need a skirt and three blouses. And some lingerie."

He kissed her temple and they began their shopping. She picked up the blouses that caught his eye, wanting to make him happy in even that small way. Spencer, though, was the one to pick out her bras and panties, choosing tastefully risqué pieces for her. After they'd gotten a few things for him as well, they paid and went back to the car. "And now the hard part."

"I'm right here beside you, Spencer."

"I know, Erin." Stuffing the bags in the trunk, he turned and hugged her. She felt him begin to cry once more and she stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek.

"My brave, handsome, Spencer, how I love you so," she whispered as she let go of him to get in the car. They were quiet the entire drive to the funeral home and she felt his sorrow build and magnify the closer they got.

A kind woman met them in the foyer of the building and had her assistant get the urn for them. "We are so sorry for your loss, Mr. and Mrs. Reid. Have a safe journey home."

They nodded in tandem and Erin took the urn from the assistant's hands. Going back to the car, Spencer said softly, "At least you'll be happy to know, Mom, that we're driving home."

She covered his hand on the steering wheel and squeezed lightly, unable to find words for once. He just lifted her hands to his lips, kissing her palm delicately as they sighed in unison.


	6. The Road Home

After two long days of driving, they had finally put Texas behind them. Erin collapsed on the king size bed, kicking off her pumps. As she watched, Spencer set the urn on the table before joining her on the bed. "I'm so exhausted, Spencer. We might only be able to drive ten hours tomorrow between the two of us."

"That would be fine. I'm exhausted, too. I want to sleep in our own bed." He spooned his body around hers and she snuggled into him. "I never imagined the road home would take so long."

"That's because we're used to flying. I don't even want to get up to eat right now." She turned in his arms and kissed him.

"I'll go grab us something from Wendy's, there was that one that we passed about five miles ago. Do you want a baked potato again?"

"Yeah, and chili if they have any left." He nodded and kissed her once more before getting up. "Hurry back to me." He just smiled at her as he left the room. Dragging her body off the bed, she pulled out her phone charger and plugged it in. She'd barely gotten settled back on the bed when the phone went off. "Hello, Penelope."

"Hey, Erin. Are you guys still on track to come home Thursday?"

"It looks that way."

"The others want to come over Friday and pay their respects. Would you two be up to that?"

Erin thought for a moment and then put Penelope on Facetime. "I don't know. We're both so tired. I'm sure he'd love to have you over, though. What do you think would be best?"

"Oh, honey, if he looks as tired as you, you both need to be taken care of. I'm coming over no matter what on Friday to take care of you, all right? We could order takeout for supper and have the team over for a little bit."

She started to cry and swiped at her tears as she smiled. "Thank you. I think we'd like that a lot."

"If I could hug you, I would right now."

"I know."

"Make sure Reid gives you an extra one, then. I hope you know how much I love you both. Drive safe and come home to us soon." She nodded and Penelope smiled kindly, pressing her fingers to her lips before touching the screen. "We're a family, Erin, and we'll take care of you. I promise. Have a good sleep."

"You, too, Penelope." They ended the call and she set her phone aside and wrapped her arms around her legs as she cried. It was unlike her to be so maudlin and yet her heart hurt so badly for her husband. It was just one more commonality they shared, now, one she wished they didn't.

The lock turned and he entered their room, carrying some bags and a tray of drinks. "They were out of chili, so I got you the macaroni and cheese. I remember that you'd ordered it before." He sat the bags down and looked over at her. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know, Spencer. My heart is so sad today. Penelope called, she's going to come over Friday and take care of us." He tugged her to her feet and wrapped her up in his arms. "I love your hugs. Oh, Spencer, I just feel so overwhelmed and I really want to get drunk right now."

"I'm craving, too, Erin. But we'll get through it together." He kissed her forehead tenderly and wiped away her tears. "Now, let's eat before it gets cold." He led her over to the table and handed her a bag.

They ate quickly and as he cleaned up their trash, she pulled out nightclothes for them both. "Are you going to join me in the shower tonight?" He nodded and she smiled as she began to strip. She'd just gotten her skirt off when he came up to her side, tugging the cotton blouse over her head. She followed suit by unbuttoning his shirt and taking down his pants.

When they were naked, she led him into the bathroom and they stepped into the shower. She shivered as the cold water hit her back and huddled close to Spencer, her arms closing around his waist. Chuckling, he turned their bodies so she faced the stream, his back blocking most of it. "Is there anything I can do to ease the cravings you're having?"

"Just hold me. Please." He nodded as he pulled her flush against his body. With infinite tenderness, they washed the grime of the road from their bodies, standing beneath the water for quite some time. Finally, Erin's teeth began to chatter and they got out. Spencer wrapped one of the towels around her body, using another to dry off her legs and arms.

"I think we're going to forego pajamas tonight, my sweet Heloise. I want to feel your body against mine." She nodded and let the towel drop to the floor. He followed suit and led her out into the bedroom, turning down the covers. She crawled in and snuggled back until their bodies were millimeters apart. "Forever and always," he whispered in her ear as his arm came to rest around her waist.

"I'm sorry?"

"I'll love you forever and always." She felt him kiss her shoulder as she sighed and she turned to face him, wrapping her leg around his as she reached up to run her fingers through his still damp hair.

"Funny, that's just how long I'm going to love you," she whispered. "Thank you for freeing me." She kissed him deeply as her eyes fluttered closed.

She woke up in the morning to the feel of his erection, hard and throbbing, against her thigh. As she kissed him, she slipped her hand between her legs, teasing her clit to ready herself for him. He opened his eyes and grinned at her as he stilled her hand. He rolled her onto her back and fitted himself between her legs.

She drew in a deep breath through her nose as he thrust into her and she wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him in deeper. "Good morning, Spencer," she gasped out as he lazily thrust in and out of her.

"Good morning, Erin," he replied and they fell into a slow, steady, rhythm. They were covered in a fine sheen of sweat when they finally orgasmed thirty minutes later and he cradled her close to him as they fought to catch their breaths. "Do you think we should shower again?"

She shook her head. "I'm just going to clean up with a washcloth." Gently, she pushed him off her as she sat up and stretched. Leaning over, she kissed him, laughing against his lips as he tugged on her piercing. "I think, even if we just drive eight hours today and eight hours tomorrow, we'll still be home before ten in the evening."

"Do you know how wonderful that sounds?" he asked as she went into the bathroom. Quickly she soaked two washcloths and brought them out to the other one, throwing one to Spencer.

"It sounds like music to my ears." As she cleaned herself up, she smiled at him, watching him copy her movements. "The team is also coming over Friday. Did I tell you that?"

His brow furrowed. "I can't remember. Why are they coming over?"

"To pay their respects. It's going to be our first official together moment. I hope they accept me as your wife." Old fears and insecurities bubbled up in her mind and she turned from him to dig out clothes for the day, quickly dressing.

She felt him come up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist. Erin melted into him, trying to stifle her tears. "Do you know how much I do not care what they think? We are bound together and for the first time in my life I can say that science doesn't always have the answers for the heart."

He turned her to face him and she nuzzled her face into his shirt. "I don't know why I'm so apprehensive. Dave and Penelope have accepted this so quickly. And the Director gave his tacit approval. What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, Erin. You know, none of my team really made the effort to get to know you before the bank incident. You're unsettled because you don't think the others will approve and you don't want to come between me and my friends. Does that about sum it up?"

Little by little, she felt herself relax, felt the tears fade away. "It does, actually. I'm so glad I married a genius this time around." He laughed, and she loved how it felt, to be in his arms and have that rumble soak into her body.

"I should finish getting dressed now." He let go of her and pulled on his pants. "It's just after eight. Do you want to go out to breakfast?" he asked as he smoothed his hair down.

"Sure."

The hotel that evening had never been a more welcome sight, and Erin once more collapsed on a bed not their own. "I live for the day that matter transporters are fully functional," Spencer muttered as he dropped their bags on the dresser.

"You and me both, beloved. Come, join me." She kicked off her shoes and stretched out on top of the covers. He spooned up tight against her. As soon as his arm was around her waist, she was asleep, safe in his embrace.

He woke her up early the next morning. "Come on, Erin. If we start now, we should be home by three, since we made good time yesterday. Then we could clean up a little before the team comes over tomorrow."

She stretched and blinked her eyes blearily. "What time is it?"

"A little after six." She nodded and got out of bed, padding over to the bathroom to pee. She began to feel a little queasy and took a few deep breaths to will the feeling away. It was familiar to her, and she touched her stomach lightly.

"Spencer? When was my last period?" she called out, thinking back herself.

He joined her in the bathroom and leaned back against the sink. "Seven weeks ago. Are you usually regular?"

"Every five weeks, like clockwork. But sometimes stress throws cycles off, right?" She looked up at him hopefully and he nodded. "Well, that's good, then. Besides, I'm fifty this year. There's no way I could get pregnant."

"Actually…"

Erin stopped his words with her hand. "Until we're home, I need to believe that, okay?" He nodded and kissed her fingers before leading her down to the lobby. As he checked them out, she sat on the bench provided and tried not to fall asleep.

"Why don't you crawl in the back seat and sleep for a bit while I get us underway? I'll wake you for breakfast as close to eight as I can." She didn't argue as he opened the back door for her and she curled up on the seat, resting her head on his duffle bag. She fell back asleep to the soft strains of Schubert.

When Erin woke up, it was to the delicious scent on coffee. Her stomach growled lowly as she sat up and looked at her husband in the rearview mirror. "Did you stop without waking me?"

"No, I needed coffee, so I went to a Starbucks drive through. Here, take a sip." He handed it back to her and she took a sip. "According to the GPS, there's an IHOP about forty five miles from here. Will you feel up to driving for a little bit after we eat?"

"That will be fine, Spencer." She rested her hand on her stomach and stared out the window. "Did you ever want a brother or sister?"

"Yes. I would have loved someone to help me with Mom. It broke my heart, putting her in that sanitarium. She deserved so much better, but there was no way I could take care of her and live my life. Twelve years, she was trapped in there for twelve years. I should have moved her closer to me, once I knew D.C. was going to be my home."

He was crying, and she couldn't do anything about it. "She didn't like flying, and you used that fear to keep her in Las Vegas. It was her home, Spence, and you couldn't take her from that. Just as you couldn't bear to watch her drift further and further away. You are not a bad son, my love." She sat forward and rested her hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. "I love you."

"I have the distinct feeling you are going to keep me sane as I grieve. Do you know why I woke you up early?"

"You were craving." He nodded. "You can't outrun the cravings, though."

"I know, my darling Heloise. But being with you helps." She felt tears prickle her eyes. "You're crying again, too, aren't you?"  
"Yeah. But that's okay." She drew in a deep breath. "I need to be okay with my feelings. Wanting to bury them is what got me into trouble in the first place."

Spencer got off the highway and pulled into the parking lot of the IHOP. Before they went inside, she pulled him into a tight hug. "The hallucinations are so real, so vivid, with Dialudid. I always felt like I was there with her." His words were low and harsh, and she could feel him trembling in her arms.

"Hush, my love. You're safe here with me, and I won't let you succumb. Just keep me from that as well."

"Always, Erin." They headed in and were seated in a secluded booth. "Sit next to me?"

She nodded as she slid in beside him. "I know what I'm getting."

"Belgian waffle and coffee?"  
"Uh huh. The only thing I ever eat on the road. We're making good time."

"Traffic is light today." Their waitress came by and he smiled up at her. "We'd like two Belgian waffles with strawberries and two coffees, please." The woman nodded and made her way to the computer station. Erin touched her stomach lightly and looked over at Spencer. "What's wrong?"

"I'll be right back, Spence." She stood, scanning the room for the restrooms. Finding them, she rushed over and barricaded herself in the handicap stall, sinking to her knees as she bent over the bowl and emptied the contents of her stomach. "This is not morning sickness. This cannot be morning sickness."

Standing, she washed her face and hands as best she could before rejoining Spencer at the table. "Feeling better now?" She nodded, relishing the comforting feel of his arm around her shoulders. As she snuggled into his side, she picked up her cup and took a long drink of her coffee. "Just so you know, I don't have schizophrenia or the gene that causes it. My doctors ruled that out when I was getting treatments for my headaches. And I've always wanted a child."

A pleased smile spread across her face and she covered her stomach with her hand. "What if I'm not pregnant? What if this is just a false alarm?"

"Then we had a false alarm. It isn't imperative that I have a child, it's just a nice thought." He covered her hand with his and she snuggled closer to him as the waitress brought out their food. They ate quickly and Erin paid before following Spencer to the car.

He had folded himself up in the back seat and was already asleep by the time she slid behind the wheel and she drove to the gas station and filled up before getting back on the highway. Her husband didn't wake up until they were within a hundred miles of home. "We're almost there, love."

"Good. Forget cleaning when we get there, I just want to cuddle on the bed and hold you in my arms. Maybe we could watch Star Trek for a while, too."

"Which series?" she asked.

"The best one, of course."

"Ah, good, a marathon of Next Generation."

He reached up and smacked her arm none too gently. "Never speak such blasphemy around me again, wife. Everyone knows that James T Kirk is the best captain of the best Star Trek series."

"That surprises me, husband. I would have thought Jean Luc Picard would appeal to you. He certainly does to me."

"It's the accent, isn't it?" She nodded. "Why do women like accents so?" She shrugged. "I suppose I'll have to live with your bad taste, though. I love you too much to lose you now."

Erin looked at him in the rearview mirror and stuck out her tongue. "We'll have to watch the fourth movie, then, as a compromise. I love _The Voyage Home_.:

"Okay." He bent forward and quickly kissed the spot where he'd hit her. "I hope that doesn't bruise. I'm sorry I hit you so hard."

"It's okay, my Abelard," she replied, "but you might need to pay a penalty when we get home."

"Name it and I shall do it."

She smiled as she merged onto the highway to home. "I want a massage. A no hanky-panky, relaxing, massage. I might even be willing to reciprocate if you do a good enough job."

"I believe that can be arranged. Don't be startled, I'm going to crawl into the front seat." Erin nodded and leaned over against the window to give him more room. With little fuss, he was sitting next to her, holding out his hand. She clasped it tightly, running her thumb over his knuckles.

"So, what do you think about asking Penelope to bring over a pregnancy test with her tomorrow."

"I think it's a good idea. We'll swear her to secrecy, though. I don't think the team will be prepared for two large changes at once."

"Probably a wise decision, Spencer. I'll call her while you set up the DVD player. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Erin shifted her position in the seat to finish driving the road to home, eager to be with her Spencer, her Abelard, her husband.


	7. Look Over Here

"I brought two pregnancy tests with me. Do you really think you're pregnant, Erin?" Penelope asked as she pushed past Spencer on her way in the apartment. Her eyes were only for Erin and she smiled at the woman kindly.

"I'm over here, Penelope. You know me, the man who just lost his mother?" Penelope gasped and whirled around to hug her husband tightly. "Do the others know about me and Erin?"

"Uh huh, and they're all coming over at six to have supper and reminisce about your mother. Rossi's bringing food, too. But here, Erin, take these. I need to know if I'm going to have another baby to spoil. Aunt Penny loves giving gifts!"

She took the tests and made her way to the bathroom, listening to Penelope chatter away with Spencer. Nervously, she shut the door and opened the boxes, setting the tests on the sink in front of the toilet. Taking a deep breath, she tugged down her panties and sat, willing her body to urinate. Awkwardly, she exchanged the two tests and then finished her business. Standing, she washed her hands, staring at the tests as she righted her clothes.

Opening the door, she saw Spencer sprawled out on the couch and went to join him. "Where's Penelope?"

"Doing our laundry.. Did you look at the results?"

"Not yet. It takes three minutes, and I'd rather spend those with you than to pace back and forth, worrying about what those sticks say. If we have a girl, we're naming her Diana."

He turned to look at her and she smiled at him. "What was your mother's name?"

"Elizabeth."

"Then our daughter, if we have a daughter, will be named Diana Elizabeth Reid." He bent to kiss her and she leaned into the embrace, craving the comfort of his lips.

"Hey, you two! Look over here!" They both looked up to see Penelope holding out a camera, grinning widely. "Smile!" She took a few pictures of them before sitting in the rocker. "Do you know yet?"

"No. I haven't gotten up to look at the tests yet, even though I'm sure the time is up. We were a little busy." Erin yawned, snuggling closer to her husband. He stroked her hair gently and from the look on Penelope's face, she could tell the woman was running an internal commentary on how adorable a couple they made. "How did the others react to the news of our marriage?"

"Well, Rossi kinda figured this would be the next natural step in your relationship. Hotch, I think he sort of had you figured out when you both took off for Vegas. JJ and Morgan, though, were completely surprised."

"No one was angry, though? Or upset?" she asked anxiously, touching her stomach lightly.

"No. I think we all just want you happy, Erin, after everything you've been through." She checked her watch. "Do you want me to go check the tests?"

Erin shook her head, standing up and sighing. "It's potentially our baby, so I should be the one to do that. I'll be right back." Going over to the bathroom, she went and picked up the tests, not looking at the results just yet. "Here, you look at one, Spence." She handed over one of the sticks and sat back down. Taking a deep breath, she looked at the results of hers. "Well, according to this one, we're expecting."

"Funny, that's what this one says, too." He looked up at her, something between a frown and a smile on his face. "I'm going to be a father. We need to find an OB." As the reality of the situation hit them, there was a knock on the door

"That will be your guests," Penelope said as she stood up and went to the door. "Hey, Jayje! Come on in. Put the food on the counter, Will, and make yourself at home. Hi, buddy." Erin realized the entire family had come, and she looked at the tests in their hands in panic.

"Spnce," she hissed, handing him her test.

"Unca Spncer!" Henry yelled, running over to him, wrapping him in a tight hug and causing the tests to clatter to the floor. Erin and JJ locked eyes as the other woman picked them up. Natural curiosity won out and she peeked at the results, a small smile stealing over her face.

"Do you want everyone to know?" she asked kindly.

"Not yet, no," Erin replied. "Once change at a time, you know?" The other woman nodded and threw the tests in the trash before sitting down in the rocker. Henry crawled up into her lap, watching them intently. Spencer wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

"So, you're the Heloise he played for." Erin nodded. "I should have known something was up when you were both there. You have to sing there again, soon. Before you lose your lung space."

"Or perhaps after that. I need to focus on my marriage first." Spencer kissed her temple as the others came in to the living rom. Penelope joined them on the couch while the others made due with chairs and the floor.

"You've managed to do the impossible, Erin. You've surprised the profilers." Aaron smiled kindly at them. "Did everything go smoothly while you were in Vegas?"

Spencer nodded. "We got there in time to say goodbye. And I realized how short life really is, so I convinced Erin to marry me then and there."

"The Director has already handed down his punishment for our relationship, as well. I'm on a two week suspension, and will no longer be overseeing your team." She saw the shock on all their faces and relished being able to surprise them once again. "Why David, I think you're upset about this."

"I'm going to miss my sparring partner. Let me guess, Higgins is replacing you."

"I don't know for sure, but most likely, since I'm taking over his team." To her surprise, she began to tear up and she knew it was the hormones wreaking havoc already. Turning her face away from them, she rested her head on her husband's chest, letting him rub her back in comforting circles. "Sorry, I'm just a little ran these days."

"We've all felt like that, Erin," Dave sad quietly. "What are you doing with her belongings?"

"Her doctor is shipping her books here. We'll be storing the boxes at Erin's until we find a place of our own. We're going to look for a cottage on a lake. It seems we both crave peace and solitude." He gently squeezed her waist and she pulled away slightly to look at the others. There was no censure on their faces and this eased her heart immensely.

"I guess I'm just missing the lost opportunities. I was looking forward to having a mother figure once more. I lost mine when I was so young."

"I did, too, Erin." She looked over at Penelope and saw she had tears in her eyes. "I never knew my bio-dad and then my parents died when I was eighteen. Now that I think about it, we've all been touched by sorrow in this room. It's what bound us together. And it binds you to us, now."

Penelope leaned over and clasped her hand tightly. "Thank you, Penelope," she whispered, squeezing a little as she tried to regain control of her emotions. "We should eat, though, before the food goes bad." Standing, she waited for Spencer to join her and then went into the kitchen.

Someone had brought disposable plates and utensils, and she was grateful for the courtesy. "Our friends have gone all out," her husband said as he handed her a plate. She nodded and filled it up, making sure to put a large helping of Rossi's lasagna on it. Needing to get comfortable, she sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. Spencer sat next to her and the others soon joined them, forming a circle.

As they ate, Erin began to feel like they were actively trying to make her feel welcome. And then, Henry crawled into her lap and hugged her tightly. "May I call you Aunt Erin?" he asked sweetly.

"Of course you may, sweetheart." She returned the hug, feeling tears once more prickle her eyes.

"Look over here," she heard Penelope say and she glanced up to see her taking more pictures. "You look so adorable, Erin! I can't wait until…" She pursed her lips quickly and shook her head. "You have to introduce your children to us. I, for one, would love to meet them."

Erin arched her eyebrow a little as she smiled at Penelope's near miss. "When they start talking to me again, I will. They are embarrassed that their mother has robbed the cradle by marrying a man twenty years her junior."

"That's their father talking, Erin." She looked at Dave and nodded in agreement. "Ah well, their loss." The group broke up into pairs and trios, and she found herself content to listen to Dave and Spencer's conversation. Before Penelope left, she hugged Erin tightly and she welcomed the tender gesture. Finally, it was just Spencer, Dave, and her, and she felt her guard come down a little. "So, are you going to name the kid Astrolabe?"

"Whatever are you talking about, Dave?" she asked, trying to play dumb.

"Erin Reid, I lived through your other three pregnancies. I remember the changes to your body and your emotions." He smiled. "Not to be crass, but, your boobs are bigger already."

Spencer rubbed her shoulder lightly, and she shrugged. "Penelope wasn't exactly discreet, either. Do you think anyone else caught her gaffe?"

"No. The others are in shock still over your marriage." He stood and came over to them, holding out his hand. She clasped it tightly, smiling up at him. "Congratulations, Erin, Spencer. You both deserve to be happy." He pulled her up into a tight hug and she returned the embrace, relishing the love and acceptance he offered.

"I'll see you Monday, Ross," Spencer said as he showed the man to the door. "Finally, we're alone."

"That we are. Shall we head to bed?" He nodded and hand in hand they went into the bedroom, "I never asked. How do you prefer sleeping?"

"I've found, on our journey home, that I prefer skin on skin contact." She smiled and let him undress her. When he was finished, she reciprocated and then stepped back to look at him. "What is it?"

"I'm just trying to get a handle on what our child will look like. Do you think I really look pregnant already?"

"A little. Here, come with me. He led her over to the full length mirror that hung on his closet door. Standing behind her, he cupped her breasts and she leaned back against him. "Rossi's right, your breasts are fuller already. Though it makes me wonder how much he stares at your chest to know that."

"He's a lech, he stares at every woman's chest." Her husband laughed and ran his hands down to her stomach. "I thought it was the horrid food we ate on the road that was making me bloaty. I'm glad I was wrong.."

"I am, too."

"Really?" She felt very vulnerable as she looked at his face in the mirror, trying to suss out if he was telling her the truth.

"Yes. Selfishly, I want a little girl to spoil. I want her to have your ash blonde hair and blue grey eyes."

"Well, that's good, because I tend to have girls. I want her to have your wit and intelligence. And maybe some of your height." She smiled as she realized he had set his chin on top of her head. "You do know I love you, right?"

"As much as I love you. Now come to bed with me. We can talk there." He led her to the full size bed, and she sank down onto the mattress. Once she was comfortable, he joined her, spooning around her body. "Will you get as big as JJ was with Henry?"

"Probably not. I'm going to have to get a prescription for Zofran. I had extreme hyperemesis with all four of my previous pregnancies. You do not want to watch me puke for the next seven months."

"The nausea lasts your entire pregnancy?"

She nodded. "Three's something about the way my hormones change as the baby grows that sets off my gag reflex. The doctor didn't discover that in time with my first pregnancy. I starved my baby to death." Warm tears rolled down her cheeks and he turned her over gently, to face him. "I had a D and E done, once they had declared her gone."

"I won't let that happen with our child, I promise." Tenderly, he kissed her nose and she tried to smile through her tears. "I am going to make certain this is the smoothest pregnancy for you. And just know, that if I have to, I'll enlist Garcia to help me. She's the greatest mother hen I've ever met."

"Heaven space me from that, then." She actually managed a watery smile and he kissed her once more. "They were very kind tonight. I wonder if the same will hold true in the cold light of day."

"Why are you so worried about them?"

"They're your friends, your family. I'm the unknown factor, the one who was trying to keep you in line by threatening to split you up at any moment. There isn't really a good reason for them to like me."

"You're vulnerable."

"Yeah." She nodded and bent her head forward, resting it on his chest. "I guess, with the baby and all, I really want them to like me. Do you even think that's possible?"

"Yes, I do. As long as you keep being open like this, they'll accept you." She sighed, capturing his hand and running it down to her stomach.

"This is sort of a miracle. I know you don't believe in those, it goes against your logical nature. But after my youngest was born, my doctor said it would be nigh on impossible to get pregnant again. You must have super good swimmers, Spencer."

"Call me Spence. You've done so without thinking a few times now, and I rather like it." He was blushing and she knew she had embarrassed him with her comment.

"All right, Spence." She put her head back on his chest and drew patterns on his torso with her finger. "The one good thing about being pregnant is that I become insatiable. He never took advantage of that, so I had to take matters into my own hands. It's rather awkward to masturbate when you're nine months pregnant and big as a house. Or at least feeling that way."

He hugged her close and she nuzzled her nose against his chest. "I won't leave you hanging like that." She felt him drop a kiss onto the top of her head and she smiled. "We'll have to step up looking for our cottage. I want to be moved in before our baby comes."

Erin felt her heart clench tightly in her chest. "Are you sure you want a cottage? We can get whatever you want."

"Erin, for how long have you had to give up your dreams?"

She shrugged as she tugged on his piercing. "It's okay to give up your dreams to make the person you love happy."

"No, it's not, Erin. Look at me." She leaned back to stare at him, feeling her eyes fill with tears. "Gideon once owned a cabin in the woods, secluded and private, where he could escape from what we see every day. I want that. I want to come home to you and our child and put everything behind me. I want a place that makes you as happy as you make me. Do you understand?"

"I think I will, with time. Oh, how I love you." She closed her eyes and kissed him sweetly. "That's one of the reasons I drank, you know. I just felt so insecure. And now, you're offering me such wonderful security that I find I'm pinching myself to see if I'm awake."

"Oh, my sweet Heloise, how I want to hold you until you never doubt yourself again."

"That might take forever."

"Even if it took forever, I would wait for you. You're worth it." He cupped her face and she looked into his eyes. She saw there everything that had been missing up until that point in her life. He leaned forward to kiss her and she quickly pecked at his lips before pulling away and running to the bathroom.

In moments, he was at her side, holding back her hair as she threw up. "It's starting already, Spencer. I don't want to lose her."

"Hey, look here." She looked up at him and he wiped her face clean. "Does your OBGYN still have a practice?" She nodded. "Then we'll call them tomorrow and get you an emergency appointment for the Zofran." He helped her to stand and they went back to the bedroom. "I think I have some soda crackers in the kitchen. I'll be right back."

She nodded absently and crawled into bed, cradling her stomach gently. When he returned, he set a plate of crackers on the nightstand, handing her one to nibble on. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He crawled in next to her and she swallowed the cracker before plastering herself against him. "So, I guess blow jobs are out until you give birth."

She laughed a little as she nodded and snuggled closer. "Yeah, no, sorry, honey."

"There are worse things to live without." He kissed her forehead. "When we get home from work tomorrow, I want to start a Doctor Who marathon. Might as well start our sprog off right." She nodded and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply as she fell asleep.


	8. Our Distance and That Person

Erin sighed, rubbing her stomach absently. It was Spencer's fourth day in the field, and their first regular appointment with her OB. Pulling out her purse, she began to stand when her office door opened. "Good afternoon, Erin. Reid called and told me what today was. I'm supposed to take you to the appointment."

A shy smile spread across Erin's face as she nodded. "That would be lovely, Penelope. Thank you." They walked out to the elevators and she caught Agent Anderson looking at them. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. "Is Anderson still with Gina?"

"Uh huh. They moved in together sometime last year. How's the nausea this afternoon?"

"Not too bad. The Zofran dulls it enough so I can will it away. Mind over matter, you know." Penelope nodded as they stepped into the elevator. "This might come off a little cold, Penelope, and I'm sorry if it hurts you, but I don't need you to mother hen me. I'm going to need a friend to talk me down from the worry edge that I'll be on a lot of the time."

"Of course I can be that for you." The woman reached out and took hold of her hand. "Just let me know if I get to be too overwhelming. So, I've found myself in a long distance relationship."

"Really? Does Derek know?"

"No. And I have a feeling if he was to know, he'd fly over there and kill him."

They stepped out into the parking garage and Penelope led her over to her car. "Why? Who is it?"

"Clyde Easter."

"Clyde Easter? Interpol's Clyde Easter?" She nodded. "Are you sure that's wise, Penelope? Derek sees him as the man who stole Emily from him. Spencer's told me a little bit of his rantings."

"I know. Which is why I'm keeping it quiet for now. I guess Em set us up, seeing as how my relationship with Kevin ended in a big ball of suck. And it's kind of nice to only have to worry about how I'll look for the length of a Skype call." They both laughed as they got in the car. "I programmed directions into my GPS already. Will you hear the heartbeat today?"

"If I'm as far along as I think I am, yes, we will. You're coming back with me, just in case this…" She broke off her words, not wanting to vocalize her deepest fears.

"Erin?" She looked up into Penelope's gentle eyes. "I'm going to mother hen you for just a moment. Everything is going to be fine. You started taking the Zofran before the morning sickness became a problem. You took two pregnancy tests that came back positive. And you are an awesomely protective mother who would not let anything hurt her children. Your baby is fine."

She felt some of her fears dissipate at the sweet words, and she nodded. As they drove, she switched the radio to play classical music. "I hope you don't mind the music change. Classical calms me down."

"It's fine. Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?"

Erin rubbed her stomach gently as she smiled. "We're both hoping for a little girl. Her name is going to be Diana Elizabeth. We probably won't know for another three and a half months, though, what I'm having. Of course, Dave just had to notice the fact that my breasts are getting larger already." The other woman giggled and she arched her eyebrow. "I'm glad you think it's funny. But by the end of my pregnancy, I'll look like I have two watermelons stuck to my chest."

"Ugh. Really?" She nodded. "Well, that would suck."

Erin shrugged. "A little. The payoff is that they become very sensitive." Penelope blushed a bit, and Erin laughed a little, feeling more of her anxiety disappear. Penelope pulled into a parking spot and together they walked into the office. The other woman sat near the window while she checked in. "Erin Reid checking in for my appointment."

"Ah yes, with Doctor Carter. He's running about ten minutes behind today, which should give you ample time to fill out these forms." The receptionist thrust a clipboard at her, a thin sheaf of papers stuck to it.

"Okay." She tried to smile at the woman, but found her brusque demeanor off putting. Going over to where Penelope sat, she began to fill out the forms.

"What's wrong?" She glanced over at her friend. "Your jaw is clenched. You always do that when you're upset."

"It's probably nothing. I've used this practice for all of my pregnancies. The receptionist is new since last time, and she was just a little curt." She went back to the paperwork. The forms hadn't changed much since her last pregnancy and she was soon finished. Erin settled back in her seat and tried to relax. Her stomach roiled, though, and she covered her mouth with her hand.

"Do you want some water?" She nodded, and Penelope pulled a small bottle out of her purse. Erin cracked the seal and took a few hesitant sips, hoping it would settle her. "Better?"

"A little, thank you." She held out her hand and Penelope clasped it, squeezing gently. "I just get too worked up."

"We could take a yoga class together. That's supposed to be relaxing. Of course, you'll have to get your doctor to sign off on it."

She looked over at Penelope and saw how eager she was to give her a solution, to help her out. "That might be kind of fun." Once more, she fell silent and they waited for her to be called back. After another eleven minutes passed, a nurse came out and called her back and they stood, trailing after the woman.

"All right, let's get your vitals recorded her. Step up on the scale." Erin nodded and slipped her heels off before getting on. "One hundred twenty pounds. That's a bit light, dear." She consulted the chart. "Is the Zofran working?" she asked as she showed them to an exam room.

"A little. I still throw up about four to five times a day. I force myself to eat something each time, though, to try and replace the nutrients I'm losing." She took the gown from the nurse's hands and sat down on the exam table, holding out her arm so that the nurse could check her blood pressure.

"That's good. All right, your BP is in the normal range. I'll need to draw some blood now, okay?" Erin nodded, gasping at the sharp prick. "Doctor Carter will be in shortly. Please change into the gown, and take your panties off. He'll want to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound on you today, since you're not too far along in the pregnancy. It might hurt a little, but he tries to be gentle."

Erin nodded and the nurse left. "Do you need me to turn around for a moment?" Penelope asked, smiling at her.

"Yes, please." Before the woman had fully turned, Erin began to undo the buttons on her blouse. Shrugging it off, she then unzipped her skirt, skimming both it and her panties down her legs before tugging on the medical gown. "Would you please tie this blasted thing?"

Penelope smiled and nodded, sitting behind her to do as asked. Erin leaned back against her. "So, this gives me an excuse to cook and bake delicious treats for you. But you have to share with Reid."

Doctor Carter came bustling in at that moment and they both looked at him. "Good afternoon, Erin. I wondered if it was you, the name change threw me off. Is this your wife?"

"No, this is my friend, Penelope. My husband, Doctor Reid, is away on business, so she agreed to come with me and report back to him anything I forget." He nodded and began to look at her chart.

"It looks like you've put on three pounds already. I'm pleased to see this, though I would like to see more. Did the nurse inform you about the type of ultrasound you'll have today?" She nodded. "They're more invasive to you, but they let us check the progress of the fetus much more accurately at this stage. Now, given your age, it's recommended you have an amniocentesis performed around the twentieth week to rule out the possibility of congenital birth defects. However, that does slightly increase the chances you'll miscarry."

"What would you suggest we do?"

"It depends. If there are issues with the fetus, you have a small window of opportunity to have an abortion." Erin blanched, shaking her head at the thought, and he patted her hand comfortingly. "You don't have to give me an answer today, but I will need one at your next appointment. Talk it over with your husband."

He smiled kindly, and she nodded, holding on to Penelope's hand a little tighter. "Yes, Doctor Carter."

"All right, let's get this exam underway." He helped her legs up into the stirrups before covering them with a blanket. Then he wheeled over the ultrasound machine. "This might hurt, Erin. I'm sorry." He slowly began to insert the instrument and she winced, clenching her free hand into a tight fist.

Finally, it was in and she heard the familiar whooshing sound. Looking over at the monitor, she saw the hard evidence of their child for the first time. "Is that?"

"Uh huh."

"They're so tiny!"

"That's because the fetus is only about nine weeks along in their development." Doctor Carter pointed out the features of the baby and Erin felt her eyes fill with tears. "Now, you need to get on prenatal vitamins as soon as possible. I would wait three more weeks before telling anyone else your good news. Despite the apparent health of the fetus, there is always the chance that you could miscarry. As you know, that risk decreases sharply once you're past the first trimester. Do you have any questions?"

"Yes. I'd like to take a yoga class with Penelope, to keep myself calm and centered during this pregnancy. Would it be okay for the baby?"

"It depends on the type. You cannot do any of that hot yoga that's so popular right now. But a more traditional class would be fine. I'm sure you could even find one that was specifically geared for expecting mothers. Now, I'll want to see you back here in four weeks to check the progress of your pregnancy." He pulled the device out of her and she slumped back on the exam table, relieved to have it gone. "Next time, we'll be able to use the normal ultrasound, I promise."

Doctor Carter left the room and Penelope brought her her clothes. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Not really, no." She struggled to sit up and Penelope helped her get upright. "Oh, God, I think I'm going to throw up." The other woman hurriedly grabbed the trash can and handed it over to her just in time. The bitter bile burned her throat and she wept as she retched.

Doctor Carter came rushing back in the room, looking at her in concern. "What happened?"

"Erin sat up and then she started puking," she heard Penelope say as they helped her to lie back down.

"It will pass in a few minutes. It usually does." Erin kept her eyes closed and could only feel soft hands smoothing her hair back from her face.

"Well, I'm going to lunch, so I'll tell Ashleigh you're resting here for a few minutes. Take as long as you need." He left the room once more and Erin curled up on her side, cradling her stomach. Moments later, she felt Penelope untie the top set of ties on the gown, spreading the fabric before beginning to massage her shoulders and upper back.

"You need to relax, Erin." She nodded and let those nimble fingers work out her tension. "Do you feel better now?"

"Yes, thank you." She sat up and reached behind her back for the other tie. "And I am really craving fried chicken right now." She dressed quickly, wincing once more as the fabric of her panties irritated her swollen labia.

"So, a KFC run it is, then. Do you want to eat in or take it home?"

"Home. I'm probably going to nap after I eat. Sorry, you're getting to see the boring side of me." They made their way to check out and the same woman as before was sitting behind the desk. She looked up at them, a tense smile on her face.

"I hope you're feeling better. Doctor Carter told me about your situation. Your next appointment will be Thursday, August sixteenth at four. It was the only available opening and Doctor Carter is quite adamant about seeing you every four weeks." The woman handed her a reminder card. "And try honey. I know most people say ginger calms their stomach, but that never worked for me. A spoonful of honey calmed the roiling right down for me."

Erin nodded gratefully, following Penelope back out to the car. "So, do you want to get a meal with sides, or just the chicken?" she asked as she pulled out of the space.

"Just the chicken for me. If you want to get the meal, by all means, do. I can afford it."

"Okay. We'll see when we get there." Erin curled up in the seat, nursing the water bottle from earlier. The line in the drive-thru was quite short and she listened to Penelope order. "We'd like the ten piece meal with mashed potatoes, green beans, macaroni and cheese, and corn, please."

After getting their total, Penelope pulled up and, before she could do anything, paid the cashier. "Penelope."

"Oh, right, you were supposed to pay. You can pick up the next one."

Erin's phone rang then, and she smiled as she saw Spencer's number pop up on the screen. "Spence," she breathed out, eager to hear his voice.

"Erin! How did everything go?"

"Okay, I think. We have a few choices to make, but we can talk about that when you get home. How's the case going?"

"Not good. Another body turned up at the dumpsite and no one saw the unsub do it. And I'm no closer with a geographic profile, either. I feel like I'm missing something important, yet our distance is distracting me today. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I miss you, too. I hope you come home soon." She took a deep breath. "So, we're getting fried chicken because I'm craving it. What do I really need?"

"Comfort. Make sure Garcia gives you a hug for me before she leaves, okay?"

"Yes, Abelard. You have to go now, don't you?"

"Uh huh. I love you, my fecund Heloise."

"Just as I love you, my stalwart Abelard. Call me later if you can."

"I will, I promise." He disconnected the call and she put her phone away. Carefully, she turned her upper body so that she could watch Penelope as she drove.

"You don't mind spending time with me, do you?" she asked suddenly.

"No. I want to get to know you a little better." Erin smiled and let her eyes close heavily, sleep ambushing her before she could protest. "We're home, Erin," she heard her friend say as she shook her awake sometime later. "I already brought the food inside and got out plates and cups and everything. All the meal lacks is us."

Erin nodded and let the woman help her out of the car. The short trek to their apartment made her feel good, and she sat down in the spot Penelope indicated. The chicken smelt delicious and she put two pieces on her plate, along with some potatoes and green beans. "Would you mind pouring me a glass of milk, please?"

"Sure." The other woman took out the half-gallon jug and filled their glasses up. "If you want more, just let me know." Erin nodded and hungrily wolfed down the food. "Guess you were more hungry than you thought."

"I guess." As she finished, Penelope stuck the leftovers in the fridge and then began to clear the table. "Let me help you."

"No, I got this. Just stay seated and relax, okay?" She nodded and watched Penelope quickly fill the dishwasher. "All right, you said you wanted to nap, right?"

"Maybe we could talk for a little bit. I'm not feeling too tired now." She stood and led Penelope into the living room and they both sat on the couch. Erin curled up on her half, resting her head on the pillow. "Do you think I'll be a better mother this time around?"

"It depends on what you consider better. The little I've gotten to know you since the beginning of the year seems to indicate that you will be an amazing mother. So, how did you and Reid get together, anyhow? None of us know the story."

"My nipple piercing, actually." Penelope met her eyes, grinning. "It was impulsive, but it led me to the greatest love in my life. Well, besides my children. He never judged me, just accepted me for who I am. And I want to be a better woman for him. Oh, Penelope, I hope you find the great love of your life. Everything makes so much more sense now."

"You are absolutely adorable, Erin Reid." She rubbed her shoulder lightly and Erin arched into the touch. "I guess I was too comfortable with Kevin, in the end."

"Ah, but I am perfectly comfortable, perfectly content, with my Spence. The white hot passion is always there, beneath the surface, but I could go days without sex as long as I'm in his arms. He lets my naughty side come out, too. My ex was a complete prude when it came to sex."

Penelope giggled. "I never realized there was such a vixen buried in you, Erin. No wonder Reid walks odd some mornings."

She nodded and yawned. "We wear each other out." She felt gentle hands pull her over so that she reclined against Penelope's shoulder. "You are a bit softer than the arm of the couch."

"That's what I thought. Nap now, we'll talk more when you wake." She nodded, cuddling close to the warmth the other woman gave off.


	9. The Sound of Waves

Erin went to sleep Friday night hoping Spencer would be home soon. Saturday morning, she woke up to the soft feel of his lips on her forehead. "Good morning, my love," she murmured, sitting up and stretching. Her stomach roiled and he was handing her the Zofran and some water, knowing exactly how she was feeling.

"Good morning, Erin. I have a surprise for you today, one I hope you love." She looked up at him quizzically and he only smiled, reaching out for her hand. Clasping it gently, she let him help her to her feet. "I've already made breakfast, and laid out your clothes for the day. As soon as you're dressed and we've eaten, we can head out."

She nodded, feeling slightly overwhelmed. "All right." She headed to the bathroom and peed before taking a quick shower. The outfit he'd selected for her was sitting on the counter when she got out and she smiled at the white linen pants and navy blouse. It was perfect for a day like today, and she quickly dressed. Already, the pants were getting snug and she knew she'd have to tell Director Shepperd about the pregnancy sooner rather than later.

Stepping out into their living room, she jumped a little as Spencer wrapped his arms around her. "You're going to have to get new clothes soon. Our child is changing your body."

"That they are. It gives me hope." He led her to the kitchen table and she smelled the delicious aroma of apple cinnamon oatmeal. She added a bit of milk to the bowl and then hungrily wolfed it down.

"I noticed that you seem to keep waffles and oatmeal down the best. Oatmeal was easier to make this morning. Would you like some more?" She nodded and he refilled her bowl. Once they'd both finished, she helped him with the dishes and then leaned back against the counter.

"So, what is so important about today?"

"You'll find out, Erin. Grab your purse and follow me out to the car." She nodded, picking up the handbag and joining him in front of their door. They joined hands and he led her over to his car. "Now, before we take off, I'm going to blindfold you. I want this to be a complete surprise." He pulled his purple scarf out of his pocket. "Are you okay with this?"

"Of course, I trust you completely." Her husband wrapped the soft fabric around her head several times, blocking the early morning sun from her sight. It was odd to not be able to see anything, and Erin let him help her into the vehicle. "Can you give me any hints?"

"Our destination is quite peaceful, and that's all I'm telling you. Sit back and relax." She nodded as she buckled her belt, resting against the back of the seat. She tried to stay awake on the drive, but the dark and the soothing music soon lulled her to sleep. "Erin, we're here," she heard him say as he woke her sometime later.

"And where is here?" She tried to take off the blindfold, only to be stopped by Spencer. "Spence," she whined.

"Not quite yet. Hold on to my hand tightly, I'm going to lead you to our final destination." She felt him take hold of her hand and she stumbled after him for about one hundred yards. When they came to a stop, she could hear the gentle sound of waves lapping against the shore.

"Spencer?"

"Welcome home, Erin," he said as he pulled the scarf from her face. She had to blink rapidly, trying to adjust to the light. Finally, though, her eyes adjusted and she saw they were standing on the shore of a wooded lake.

"I don't understand," she murmured as she turned to look at him, taking in his wide grin.

"Turn around." Erin did so and found herself looking at a rather large two story cabin. "I was telling Rossi about our house hunting a few days ago. He made a few calls and got me in contact with his neighbor's real estate agent, and well, we sign on the house and property today."

"How much property are we talking about, Spence?" she asked, taking a step towards the house.

"About one hundred acres, all woods. Well, except for the lake. Our property butts up against Rossi's to the west."

"And how are we going to afford this?" She was already in love with the place, and didn't want to see it yanked from them due to an inability to pay.

"Well, there's Mom's life insurance policy, and the money we'll get from the sale of your house, after we put it on the market, of course. And we have our jobs. Don't worry, we'll make this work."

"There's something you're not telling me, Spence."

As she watched, the door to the cabin opened and their friends stepped out, smiles on their faces. "Well, we never got to give you guys a proper wedding gift," Penelope said, coming up to Erin and hugging her tightly. "Your first six months of payments are taken care of."

Erin felt tears prickle her eyes as she rubbed Penelope's back. "This is really too much." The tears tracked down her face and Penelope stepped back, wiping them away.

"Well, you are going to be focusing on incubating that baby of yours. This is our way of taking care of you three."

"Everyone knows?" She looked over at her husband and he grinned sheepishly.

"I may have let it slip, darling. I'm sorry?" She smiled and walked over to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. "Besides, it would have been obvious in the next few weeks."

"Few weeks? It's obvious now!" Rossi stepped forward and kissed her cheek softly. "Come inside, I'm sure you'll want the grand tour." She nodded and clung to Spencer more tightly, trying not to let her emotions overwhelm her. "This is your kitchen. It overlooks the lake and you'll see some amazing sunrises, I'm sure."

She nodded and opened the cupboards, finding her china there, along with dry goods. The fridge was covered with their magnets and when she opened it, she found it was fully stocked with all their favorite foods. "This is more than a few days preparation, Spence."

Her husband shrugged, kissing her forehead softly. "You're too smart sometimes. Some of this happened on a few days' notice, though. Now, shall we continue?" She nodded, letting him lead her to the next room. "This is our living room. I liked your sofa better than mine."

As Erin looked around, she saw the pictures of their families, all three of them. Front and center on the fireplace mantle was their wedding portrait and she smiled through her tears. "This is so wonderful," she whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks. "But what about our library?"

"That's the next room, sweet mama." Penelope grinned at her, holding out her hand. Erin stepped forward, clasping it tightly as they moved on to the next room. She gasped deeply as she looked around the two story room lined with shelves. Those shelves were filled with books and she was instantly calmed by the scent. Erin took a seat in the plush recliner in front of the fireplace and sighed with joy.

"This is perfect," she whispered, rubbing her stomach absently.

"I know you'd love it." Spencer bent down and kissed her forehead. "Now, JJ and Penelope are going to show you around upstairs while we make lunch."

She nodded and stood back up, clasping Penelope's outstretched hand and letting her lead her upstairs. "So, Reid said we had to show you the bathroom first."

"Okay." Erin wondered why until she stepped inside. "Oh, my God," she murmured as she looked at the Jacuzzi tub that dominated the room, the ceiling covered in windows. "Where did he find this hidden treasure?"

"Rossi's friend had it built for him and his wife. He was an English professor, hence the library. When his wife died, he found he wanted to live closer to his daughter and took a job in Nevada. There are three bedrooms up here, too. One for you, one for baby Di, and one for your kids, when they want to visit."

"You know that we won't know for another eleven weeks what she is, Penny."

"You're going to break the boy streak in our team, I just know it! Now come on, we have to show you those bedrooms!" Penelope tugged her across the hall as Jennifer opened the door. "This is your guest room."

She stepped inside and left her breath catch in her throat. "Hello, Mom," her youngest child, Brenna, chirped as she smiled up at her from the bed. "Spencer called and told us about the baby. I've never seen Dad turn so white before!" Brenna stood and hugged her tightly. "Now, you have to check out the nursery." Brenna wrapped her arm around Erin's waist and led her to the next room.

Mike was hanging pictures on the wall and she looked at Penelope, tears clouding her eyes. "Hi, Mikie," she whispered, smiling at her friend before swinging her gaze back to her son. "Have you forgiven me, too?"

"It is a little scandalous, Mom. But if I'm going to have a new sibling, I guess I should try and get to know them. I missed you, though."

"I missed you, too, precious." Erin opened her arms and her son stepped into them, hugging her tightly. "Is Jessica hiding somewhere, too?"

"You'll just have to continue on to find out," Penelope retorted. "Follow me to the master bedroom." She nodded and followed after her.

Jess wasn't in the master bedroom, and Erin felt strangely disappointed to not see her eldest. "Reid told me the quilt was his grandmother's. A family heirloom to be passed down to the next generation. And you have to check out this closet."

Erin went over to where her friend was pointing and opened the door. The closet was huge and a vast majority of their clothes were hanging up already. Sighing with pleasure, she turned to face her friends and family. "Anything else to show me?"

"One last thing up here," Jennifer replied, smiling gently. Erin followed her over to one final door on the second level. "Spencer wanted all your favorite books here, so that you could get to them easily." Opening it, she let Erin step out onto the balcony of their library.

Looking to the right, she found a plush chair turned away from her, facing the book. "Hello, Mama." The sound of her oldest child's voice brought tears to her eyes once more. Jessica's head appeared above the chair. "It took you long enough to get to me." She smiled and Erin opened her arms. The hug she received was warm, and her daughter's tears wetted her shoulder.

"Jess, thank you for coming." She kissed her cheek and then stepped back to look at her eldest. "Can you accept me and my husband? I know it happened so suddenly, but I love Spence with all my heart."

Jessica touched the slight rise of Erin's stomach and smiled. "I'm so sorry for shutting you out. I was just so angry about the divorce and then your remarriage. I so want another sister."

"Everyone thinks I'm going to have a girl. I must give off that vibe." Jessica nodded and slung her arm around her waist and they made their way down to the kitchen. The food was set out on the counter and she knew which plate was hers, as her sandwich was cut into quarters. In the center was a pile of pickles and her stomach growled hungrily.

"I picked right," her husband said as he came up to her side, kissing her cheek chastely. "I can't wait to spend our first night here. Did you notice that our bedroom overlooks the lake? We can fall asleep to the sound of waves."

"I didn't, but that sounds lovely." She sat down at the table and was joined by Spencer and her children. The others found places to sit near them and she listened to the happy chatter around her.

"Mom, I have to head out now. Alyssa and I had already made plans for today." Mike stood and kissed her cheek as he hugged her. "It was nice getting to meet you in person, Spencer." Her son's departure seemed to signal something to her girls, as Brenna and Jessica got up a short time later, giving her kisses and hugs before they left.

"It's a start," she murmured as Spencer squeezed her hand tightly.

"We're going to head out now, too," Penelope said quietly as she stood up, going over to Erin's side to hug her. "Call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thank you." The others said their goodbyes as well, leaving her alone with Spencer. "Is this why all my clothes have been disappearing from the closet?"

"Just your out of season ones. I figured you wouldn't miss them as much." He leaned over and kissed her cheek, smiling at her. "I just wanted to find something perfect for our family. I hope you like this little cabin in the woods."

"I love it." Hormone induced tears prickled her eyes, and she turned to him, throwing her arms around him tightly. "Do you have any idea how much this means to me?"

"I have a fair idea. Would you like to retire to our library?"

"Oh, but we have to clean up from lunch…"

"I'll take care of that. You just go and find a book and relax." She nodded and kissed him before standing up. The movement upset her stomach, and she touched her mouth, wincing a little as she tried to fight down the nausea. "Take deep breaths, Erin, and focus on my voice." She nodded and listened to him rattle off statistics about the woods – the types of flora and fauna they could expect to see, how long it took certain types of trees to grow, and other random facts. His voice soothed her and calmed the roiling. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yes, much. I might have to start calling you if the Zofran doesn't take effect." He nodded and kissed her before shooing her off. Padding over to the library, she looked at how the books were arranged, Someone had taken the time to blend their books together, and she searched for where the S's began, pulling out her well-worn copy of _Black Beauty_ before making her way over to the sofa and curling up in the corner, losing herself in the book.

Erin barely registered Spencer joining her, she was so engrossed in her book. Her body, though, gravitated towards his warmth, and she snuggled up against his chest as they quietly read. She read as far as she could before starting to cry once more and she turned down the corner of the page. "Do you want to watch anything?"

She looked around the room. "Where's the tv?"

"Above the fireplace." She finally took notice of the flat-screen television and smiled. "Perhaps some _Doctor Who_ before supper?"

"As long as it's the Tenth Doctor, I'll be fine with that. I wasn't too partial to the Ninth."

"I was thinking more old school than that." She nodded excitedly, having never seen any of the older episodes. He picked up the remote and soon she was being introduced to the world of the Fourth Doctor. Without meaning to, she fell asleep against him, lulled to sleep by the gentle rhythm of his hand on her arm.

Erin woke up sometime later to the delicious scent of roast beef. "I made us French dip sandwiches. I kind of cheated by using deli roast beef."

"It doesn't matter, it smells so delicious." She took the plate from his outstretched hand and breathed in the aroma once more. She picked up half of her sandwich and dipped it in the communal juice bowl. It didn't take her long to devour the sandwich, and she was surprised to find herself so hungry.

"I think I know what we're having for supper until the baby is born. This is the most I've seen you eat in days." She blushed a little, and he leaned forward to kiss her. "I'm going to do everything in my power to keep our baby incubating."

"I know you will, Spence. I'm glad the others know. I'm going back to work on Monday."

"And?"

"I'm going to tell Shepperd about the baby. I could very well be sent packing. It's too many absences too close together. First, the rehab stint, then our trip out to Las Vegas, and my subsequent suspension. Trying to ask for maternity leave might just be the final straw."

He rubbed her shoulder. "Would you be upset to be a stay at home mom this time around?"

"It's not so much when the baby is here, it's what I'll do with myself up to that point. I've never been one to just sit around and wait, even if I am a homebody."

"You could take up knitting." She shook her head. "Scrapbooking?" Again, she shook her head. "Tapestry weaving?"

"If you get me a loom large enough, I will take up tapestry weaving. Then I could be even more like Heloise." She sat up and stretched, smiling at him. "I do believe now would be a good time to try out our bathtub."

"I do believe you're right, Erin." He stood and helped her to her feet. Arm in arm, they went upstairs and while she started the water running, he opened the window. By the time he turned around, she had slipped off her pants and was working on the buttons of her blouse. "When do we start feeling the baby kick?"

"Eleven weeks from now."

"I hope it doesn't freak me out, like Henry's movements did." She finished undressing and climbed in the tub, sitting down in the water. Spencer joined her and she adjusted how she sat so that she could rest against him. He closed his arms around her, splaying his hand over the gentle rise of her stomach.

"It's different when it's your child." She let her head come to rest on his chest, and as silence fell over them, she began to hear the sounds of nature settling down for the night, and the gentle lap of waves on the shore.


	10. 10

"The Zofran isn't helping this morning, Spence," she said softly as she rubbed her stomach.

"You're nervous about going to see Shepperd. Do you want me to come up with you?"

She thought about his question. She had been such an independent woman, so strong and self-assured until alcohol had destroyed everything. Now she found herself relying on Spencer and others. A part of her welcomed the support she was receiving, and another part of her chafed against it. And then her husband smiled at her, and her chafing heart subsided. "Yes, I would love it if you came with me."

He nodded and they got out of the car. When they got to the elevator, they met up with Jennifer and she smiled kindly. "Good morning, you two! How are you feeling today, Erin?"

"Nervous. We're going to see Shepperd this morning, and tell him about my pregnancy. I'm a quarter of the way there this week."

"Ten weeks along already?" Erin nodded. "I can't believe you're showing already."

"This is my fifth pregnancy. You tend to show earlier and earlier with each one." Spencer slid his arm around her waist protectively as she recognized her slip.

"Fifth? But you only… Oh, Erin." The woman reached out and touched her shoulder, her eyes sparkling with tears. "You, too?" She nodded and then Jennifer was stepping forward and hugging her tightly.

"Please, don't let the others know."

"Of course, I understand completely. It's such a private experience to go through." She stepped back and Erin squeezed her husband's hand tightly. "If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask. Penelope or I will be happy to do it for you."

She nodded shortly as the elevator stopped on the sixth floor. "Jennifer? Keep us in your thoughts?"

"Will do, Erin." The woman smiled kindly at her as she exited the elevator and then they were alone on their ride up to the tenth floor.

Spencer held her hand as they walked down the hall towards Shepperd's office. A few of the people milling around looked at them askance, and she tried to ignore their glances as she straightened her shoulder and placed her free hand protectively on her stomach. Karen was at her desk already, and Erin cleared her throat to get the woman's attention. "Yes?"

"We need to speak with Ron, please," she said softly.

"He's on a conference all right now. I think he should be just another ten minutes or so, if you want to have a seat and wait for him." She nodded and they went over to the sofa, taking a seat close together.

"You know these minutes are going to feel like years, Spence." Erin bit her lip as she rubbed her stomach, trying to calm the roiling there.

"Look at me, my Heloise." She did as he asked and saw he was smiling tenderly at her. "No matter what happens today, you are my wife and the mother of my child. We'll get through this and be stringer for it."

"I love you, Spencer." She pressed two fingers to her lips and he copied the movement before touching his fingers to her. She smiled and settled back on the couch to wait. Spencer's arm came to rest around her shoulders and she leaned against him.

The interminable minutes passed and finally Karen looked up at them. "You can go on in. He's off his call." They nodded and stood. Spencer slid his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him as they walked into the inner office. Ron was bent over a stack of papers and she felt her stomach flip flop.

"Good morning, Ron."

He looked up at them, a relaxed smile crossing his lips. "Erin, Spencer, what can I do for you?"

Erin took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant, Ron."

His smile faltered and he looked at her in concern. "Is the morning sickness as bad this time?"

"Yes, but I'm on Zofran again. I think I'm going to retire once she's here."

Ron motioned for them to take a seat in front of him. "Is that what you really want, Erin?"

She shook her head. "No. But you know how difficult my pregnancies are. I really just want to take good care of this baby."

"I see." He sat back in his chair, steepling his fingers as he looked at them. A few minutes passed and she reached out for Spencer's hand. The Director smiled at the tender gesture and some of her anxiety passed away. "Would an extended maternity leave work better for you, perhaps?"

She locked eyes with him as she nodded. "That might actually be perfect. My doctor hasn't said it yet, but I'm assuming it will be half days at twenty four weeks again. But I can take more of the paperwork home with me, and do it there."

"That did work well for your previous pregnancies. Is Spencer taking care of you?"

Looking over at her husband, she returned his gentle smile. "He is the perfect helpmeet to me."

"That's wonderful." Ron stood and they followed suit. Erin was not surprised when he came around to the other side of the desk and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Congratulations."

"Thank you." He guided them over to the door and followed them out to the elevators. "I'll keep you updated with my progress, Ron. Oh, and did HR get our change of address?"

He nodded. "And I noticed how close it is to Dave. You haven't killed each other yet, which is a good sign."

"Fifty acres and a lake separate us. I think we'll be fine." She grinned as the elevator doors opened and they stepped inside. "Have a good day."

He waved to them and once the doors were closed, she collapsed against her husband. "That went a lot better than you thought it would," Spencer said as he rubbed her side gently. "In another ten weeks, we'll be halfway through our pregnancy. It seems hard to believe that time is passing so quickly."

"Not quickly, lightly. We're so happy that the passage of time just happens. Would you be able to stay with me until the briefing? I don't want to be clingy, but…I want you near me for a few hours longer."

He nodded. "I can do that, Erin." The elevator doors opened and they stepped out. She clasped his hand as they went to her office and she felt more and more at ease. Helen smiled up at them as they entered.

"Good morning. The files from the last case are on your desk and waiting for you to review them."

"Thank you, Helen." They went into her office and Spencer led her over to the sofa. "I think you're heading out on a case today. Mike's been trying to keep me in the loop," she said as they sat. She picked up the first file and curled up into his side. Automatically, his arm came to rest around her shoulders and she sighed happily.

Spencer's phone buzzing was her cue to stand and he joined her, wrapping his arms around her. "Don't do anything foolish while I'm gone, Erin. Okay?"

"I promise that I won't. I love you, Spence."

"I love you, too." He kissed her softly and she tried to blink back her tears. "Your hormones are working overtime today." She nodded, trying to laugh a little. It came out all wrong to her ears, though, and she hugged him again.

"Come see me the moment you get back." He nodded, caressing her face as his phone buzzed once more. "Duty calls, Spencer. You don't want to upset Aaron." They kissed once more before he left the room and she sank back down on the sofa. _These next thirty weeks are going to be awful_ , she thought as she picked up the next report she had to work on.

She didn't look up from the busy work until she smelt lunch. Setting the last report aside, she saw Penelope standing in the doorway of her office and she beckoned her in. "Reid told me I had to bring you lunch today."

Erin smiled as Penelope sat next to her. "What did you bring us?"

"I got you the number ten meal, while I got the number seven from Burger Meister. He told me you'd been craving mushrooms, so that influenced what I got you." The woman handed her a takeout box and she opened it, breathing in the delicious scent.

"Did you happen to pick up utensils?" she asked as she picked up a fry. The seasonings, which she normally loved, unsettled her stomach, and she quickly put the rest of it down, picking up the pickle spear instead and taking a small, cautious, bite. The acidity settled her stomach a little, and she sighed in relief as she took the fork and knife from Penelope's hand.

"Are you feeling okay? Do you need me to get your Zofran?" she asked in concern.

Erin smiled weakly and nodded. "It's in my purse, in the bottom left hand drawer of my desk." The woman got up and hurried over to the desk, quickly finding the bottle and bringing it to her. After she'd taken a dose, she sat back and rubbed her stomach. "If you ever get pregnant, do not use me as a frame of reference. Okay?"

"It will go away, though. Right?"

Erin shook her head as a soft knock came at the door. She looked up to see Helen there, a bag of food in her hands. "Would you mind if I joined you?"

"I'd like that, Helen." The other woman sat down next to Erin and pulled out her lunch. "I was just telling Penelope that the morning sickness doesn't go away for me."

"Erin's right. I was here for her last pregnancy, and held her hair back many a time. My own pregnancy was a breeze in comparison."

Erin cut her burger in half and picked up a half, taking a bite. Whatever was in it seemed to agree with the baby and she wolfed the whole thing down in short order. "I think I'm going to have you pick this up for me again tomorrow, Helen." She pushed away the container. "But no fries. Maybe they have a fruit substitute."

"I'll check when I order." Erin nodded and sat back, covering her stomach with her hands. "This pregnancy is going better than your others, though, isn't it?"

"So far. But there's always time for that to change." Sighing, she looked first at Helen and then at Penelope. "But I think it's time we got back to work. Have a good day, ladies." She stood and went over to her desk, placing the completed reports in her out box.

As Erin took a seat behind her desk, she smiled at the picture of her and Spencer. Looking up, she saw Penelope was still there. "Erin?"

"Yes, Penelope?"

"Clyde wants me to come visit him. I don't know if I want that, though."

"Why not?"

"I don't know." Erin frowned slightly and Penelope shrugged. "Okay, so maybe I do know. I guess I'm a little scared to be taking this next step. Going there to see him will make everything a little more serious." Penelope curled up in one of the chairs in front of her desk. "But I would like to spend some time with him."

Her smile grew as she realized how smitten Penelope was. "Why don't I see what Mike and I can come up with. I think I heard murmurings about someone going over to Interpol and spending some time there on assignment."

The joy that swept over her friend's face was infectious, and Erin felt her own joy bubble up. "That would be really amazing, Erin! Thank you!"

"It's not a done deal, Penny. I still have to talk with him." The woman nodded and stood, coming over to her side and hugging her tightly.

"I know, but I'm really grateful that you would do this for me." Erin returned the embrace, welcoming the touch. That was one thing she had started getting more used to, since being with Spencer. Everyone around him was so touchy feely. Oh, it was mainly little brushes against her arm, or nudges in her side, but Penelope never did things by half. And Erin secretly loved that. "Do you have plans for supper tonight?"

"French dip and a movie. Why? Thinking of crashing?"

Penelope blushed and nodded. "If you wouldn't mind. Jessica and Will are having a boy's night with Henry and Jack, and I'm having a hard time finding anything in common with Alex. She and Reid talk so much about things I don't understand. I swear, she deliberately shuts the rest of us out. I know, I should try harder to get along, but…"

Erin felt a flicker of jealousy flare up in her chest when Penelope mentioned Spencer and that woman talking, and she rubbed her stomach absently. "Has she said anything about me?"

"Well…yes. I've learned to tune that out, too. She really hates when Reid talks about you and your relationship. Hey, do you want to get her goat this afternoon?" She nodded. "Great! Come with me, then."

She stood and followed the woman down to the bullpen. The people there were busy working and she smiled a little as Anderson met her eye. Once safely behind the door to Penelope's office, she was ushered over to the plush office chair. "What am I going to be doing?"

"Giving the team their first breadcrumb of information. I've had a couple searches running while we were eating, so there should be something to report to them. You can call her directly."

"Penelope's smile was wicked and Erin couldn't help but feel the same way as she accepted the Bluetooth from her friend's hand. As she pointed to what Erin had to tell Alex, a familiar knot of apprehension popped up in her stomach as the phone rang. "Hello, Alex. I've got some news on the case for you," she said as the woman answered, hoping she sounded calmer than she felt.

"Erin. How…nice to hear from you. What news is there?"

She ran down the list, following Penelope's finger as she read. "Oh, and would you please tell my husband that we miss him?"

"We?"

"Oh, you didn't know? We're having a baby in thirty weeks."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line, and then Alex spoke once more. "I guess congratulations are in order, then. I'll pass on the message." The phone abruptly cut off and she smiled tiredly at Penelope.

"No one told her about the sprog?"

"I guess it slipped our minds. Did that feel good, though?"

"A little, yes. Though I shouldn't let needling like that make me happy. I should be better than that."

Penelope reached out for her hand, clasping it tightly. "And she should have accepted your amends. You gave her a heartfelt apology and she threw it in your face. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"That she hurt you so. I saw the look on your face when they got back from Texas. In ten seconds, she broke your heart." Leaning forward, she kissed her cheek softly. "Now, I think it is nap time for you and the baby. You look exhausted."

"My husband put you up to this, didn't he?"

Penelope blushed as she nodded. "He read that naps are good for you and the baby. I'm only supposed to let you sleep for twenty minutes, since supposedly that's the optimal nap length." Erin tried to not roll her eyes as she slipped off her heels. "Why don't you get comfortable on the sofa while I grab out a blanket?"

"All right," she replied as she stretched out on the sofa, moving the pillow to better cradle her head. To her surprise, she did feel tired, and as Penelope settled the blanket around her, she yawned. "Thank you, Penelope."

"You're welcome, Sugar Plum." A wobbly smile crossed her face. "I love you both, so much. I won't let her hurt you."

"Love makes us vulnerable to life's hurts, Penny. That's just how it is. But I am so glad that we have a friend like you." Erin reached out for Penelope's hand, and the woman clasped it tightly. "I love you, too," she whispered as she fell asleep, feeling safe in the presence of her friend.

When Penelope shook her awake, it seemed like no time at all had passed. "It's been half an hour, I let you sleep ten extra minutes. I guess it's time to get back to work."

"I guess," she said through a yawn as she stretched. "I do feel a lot better, though."

"See, a nap is good for what ails you." Penelope smiled and helped her to stand up. "Oh, and the package arrived for you and Reid today. He's going to put the stroller together when he gets home and you are not allowed to lift that package when you get home. Doctor Reid's orders."

"He was tracking it, wasn't he?"

"Down to the minute. Seems his princess isn't going to want for anything in this world."

Erin rubbed her stomach gently. "Between all of us spoiling her, I should say not. But that's okay. She's going to be loved and wanted from the minute she's born. I do have a favor to ask, Penelope."

"Name it."

"I'm hopeless with knitting and crocheting. Would you mind helping me make some blankets and what not?"

"Of course I can do that, Sugar Plum! Oh, this is going to be so much fun!" The woman hugged her tightly and Erin found herself silently agreeing. This was going to be such fun.


	11. Ano Sa

"Ano sa? Do any of you know what that means?" Erin asked as she looked around the room at the Alpha team. Since the last case had ended so oddly for his team, she had taken to sitting in on the briefings. Now, in her thirteenth week of pregnancy, her stomach had begun to swell gently, and she couldn't keep her hands off it, rubbing gently as she focused on her husband.

"It's Japanese," Alex said lowly, trying not to meet her gaze. "It roughly translates to 'hey, you know'. Though why the unsub would carve that on his victim's chests is beyond me."

They both shuddered in tandem, and Erin tried to smile at the woman, hoping this time the olive branch would be accepted. With Penelope gone for two weeks yet in London, she found herself adrift more than she cared to admit. A timid, tender, smile flickered across the other woman's face before being replaced with a more serious look. It was progress, though, and she was glad for it." "I'm at a loss as well."

"Maybe it has something to do with otaku culture. I wish Garcia was here, she could probably make more sense of this. I hope to have a working theory by the time we land in Houston. Wheels up in thirty, everyone."

Hotch stood and left the room, the others following closely at his heels. Erin got up out of her chair and Spencer came up to her, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm going to be fine, I promise you."

"I feel silly, you know. Making you promise me that each time is a little clingy."

"And your hormones are in flux, due to our baby. I understand completely." He kissed her forehead, calming her at once. "Our next appointment is Friday. I'm going to do my best to be here this time for it. I want to see our baby's heartbeat for myself."

She nodded against his chest before bringing her lips up for a kiss. "And then next month, if things go right, we'll confirm she's a girl. It'll be a touch early, but with my youngest, we found out at eighteen weeks she was a girl." He kissed her once more before they walked arm in arm from the rom.

"I love you," he said as they stopped by his desk.

"I love you, too," she replied. Erin kissed his cheek before hurrying back to her office. After settling behind her desk, she pulled out the first file that needed to be worked on. The time seemed to fly by as she focused on her work, and she was startled by her phone ringing. "Hello?"

"Hey! You know, I was hoping I would catch you at the office still. How are things going?"

She smiled as she recognized Penelope's voice. "I miss you. The team is out on a weird case in Houston. It seems the unsub is carving 'ano sa' into his victim's chests. Does that mean anything to you?"

"Not really. It's casual Japanese, but I don't know of any significance to anything in particular. How's the baby?"

"She's fine, I suppose. The morning sickness is actually abating a tiny bit already. I can't go without the Zofran, but it's completely taking away the nausea right now. Do you know how much of a blessing that is?"

"I can only imagine. So, I think I should tell Morgan I'm dating Clyde."

Erin settled back in her chair, eager for the story she was about to be told. "And why is that, Penny?"

"He's coming home with me for a three week vacation." Erin could hear the smile in Penelope's voice and knew she was extremely happy. "We hit it off a lot better than I thought we would, given how things with Kevin ended. Would you like to double date when we get home? I want him to meet all my friends, so he can get to know my life, just like I've gotten to know his."

"I'm sure we can arrange something. Maybe you could come out to the cabin one night." She felt her breath catch oddly and she let out a deep sigh as she rubbed her stomach.

"What's wrong?" Like Spencer, Penelope seemed able to pick up on her shifts in mood and feelings, and it felt good to have a friend such as her in her life.

"Nothing, I think. I just couldn't catch my breath there for a moment. I think it's how she's resting this morning. My Brenna was the same way. She'd move and cram herself up under my diaphragm. It was little surprise that that was her favorite cuddle spot when she was young."

"That is seriously adorable, Erin. I'm sorry, I have to go now. I'll see you soon."

"Until then, Penny." They hung up and Erin settled back in her chair, rubbing her baby bump absently. This was going to be a long two weeks, she could just feel it in her bones.

The rest of her day dragged by, and she left with Helen at five. They walked to the elevator bank together, and the woman surprised her by reaching out and touching her shoulder. "Are you getting enough sleep, Erin? You look exhausted today."

"I didn't take my nap this afternoon. I was busy on the phone with Penelope and it completely slipped my mind. Would you mind making a note to tell me to nap every day? Both Spence and Penelope have told me to do so, and I certainly feel better when I do."

"Of course I can do that, Erin." They exited the elevator and Erin walked slowly over to her Lexus. A strange feeling of foreboding filled her heart, and she drove home carefully. Two miles from her doorstep, three deer ran out in front of her, and she couldn't stop or swerve to avoid them.

"Lord, please protect Diana," she whispered as the car impacted with the middle deer. The last thing she felt was her head hitting the steering wheel before everything went black.

Erin came to consciousness slowly, and the first thing she heard was the beeping of monitors. She tried to lift her right arm, to see if she still had her baby bump, but it was so heavy. She ached everywhere, and as her eyes fluttered open, a few tears began to roll down her cheeks. "Hey! You know you're not supposed to leave me, Heloise. You are my faithful lover."

She looked up into her husband's concerned face and tried to smile. "Tell that to the deer, then. How's Diana?"

"Our baby is fine, Erin. That's how you broke your arm. You were protecting her." Spencer leaned down and kissed her tenderly. "We have someone who is quite anxious to see her friend. Do you feel up to visitors?"

"I guess." She struggled to sit up and he helped her, smiling gently. "Spence? I love you."

"I love you, too." He kissed her once more before going over to the door and opening it slightly. "Garcia, you can come in now."

The woman pushed her way past him, hurrying over to Erin's bedside. "Oh, Sugar Plum! I've been so worried about you and the baby. I took the first flight back home when Reid called me about the accident. Clyde came with me, he's in the waiting room with Derek. They haven't killed each other yet, which is a miracle in and of itself. And you're awake!"

Erin was wrapped in a soft, careful, hug and she did her best to return the embrace. "I didn't mean to worry you," she began, only to feel a gentle finger on her lips.

"Erin Reid, you just concern yourself with getting better. Everyone is here and pulling for you, even Alex. Our new Section Chief grounded the team until you're well enough to go home." She nodded and was rewarded with a soft kiss to her cheek. "They would like to come in and see you, if you'd be okay with that. Reid and I won't leave your side."

"Sure." Spencer nodded and went over to the door once more, signaling to someone. Moments later, her room was filled to the brim with her family and friends. Her girls automatically sat at her side, her eldest resting a hand on her stomach.

"You're not supposed to scare your husband like that, bella. It was a job keeping him calm enough to get safely home." Dave also kissed her cheek before going over to the window and reclining against it.

"As I told Spence, I do not control nature. You and he are going to have to go on a deer hunt and take care of the problem for me." She felt herself tear up once more, overwhelmed by everything, and Penelope clasped her hand tightly. "Thank you all, for coming to see me. I do appreciate it."

Meeting Clyde's eye, she nodded slightly, and he picked up on her mood. "Penny, luv, why don't we take Derek out for supper? Erin's awake now, you can visit again tomorrow."

Her friend frowned slightly before kissing the back of Erin's hand. "If you need anything, anything at all, before I come again, do not hesitate to give me a call. I will be here so quickly that you'll wonder if I even left."

Erin nodded faintly, squeezing Penelope's hand before letting go. "I know you will. That's one of the reasons why I love you." She was rewarded with a sunny smile before the trio took off. "And what about my children? Are you all right now that you know you can't get rid of me this easily?"

"I don't know what I would have done if we'd lost you, Mom." Her son surprised her by hugging her fiercely, placing a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "But you look so tired. Will it be okay if we come back tomorrow and talk?"

"That will be fine, my loves." She kissed each of them in turn before they left the room in a huddle. Sighing, she looked at the others still assembled in her room. "Well, is there anything else I should know?"

"I think we're good, Erin." Alex spoke lowly, not meeting her eye. "Consider all debts cancelled." Erin felt her lips turn up in a small grin and she reached out for her husband's hand.

"That's all I ever wanted, Alex. A level playing field to start over on." The woman nodded and Erin caught the faint shimmer of tear tracks on her cheeks. "Although all this crying over me has to stop. I'm fine, Diana is fine, and we'll be out of here before you know it."

They nodded and filed from the room, Alex looking back to smile at her, as if to reassure herself that Erin was still there. As the door to her room closed, Spencer sank down on the bed next to her, gathering her up in his arms. "I'm sorry that it took a car accident to get her to bury the hatchet with you/"

She nodded before nuzzling her face into his chest. "Are you staying the night with me?" she asked as a doctor bustled into the room, a slight smile on her face.

"Your husband hasn't left your side in the four days you've been in here. I doubt that's going to change now. How are you feeling, Erin?"

"Okay, I think. Has it really been that long?"

"Well, you bumped your head pretty good on the steering wheel, and that gave you quite the concussion. Do you feel up to eating tonight, or would you prefer to wait until breakfast tomorrow?"

She rubbed her stomach uneasily, looking up at Spencer. "Perhaps we could wait until tomorrow. My stomach feels a little oogy at the moment." The doctor nodded and made a note in her chart. "Did Spence tell you about the Zofran?"

"He did, and we've been giving to you intravenously."

"Good." Tears prickled her eyes again and she locked gazes with her husband. "Can he sleep in the same bed as me? We're separated so often due to his job…"

"That will be fine, Erin." The doctor smiled at them as she left, and Erin carefully scooted over to make more room for her husband.

"I missed you. Even though you were in the same room as I was, I couldn't talk with you. Jayje says I took the news of your accident badly. I can't remember anything about that night. If I'd lost you, and Diana, though, I don't know what I would have done." He spooned his body against her, covering her baby bump with his hand.

"I love you," she murmured through a yawn, tugging his hand further around her waist so that he embraced her fully. "What else did I miss while I was asleep?"

"Ron's decided to let you work from home until she's here. Rossi and I agree with his decision."

Erin tried to roll her eyes at their micro-managing, but found she couldn't. "Where would I be without my white knights? Did we get any good mail at the house?"

"A few catalogs. And a package for you."

She smiled slightly. "Did you bring it with you?" she asked eagerly.

"I night have. Do you want me to get up and give it to you?" She nodded enthusiastically and he let go of her to climb out of bed and go over to his go bag. Pulling out a thin package, he came back to her, curling around her once more. "Here, I hope you like this. I picked it out before the accident."

She took the box from his hands and began to open it, finding it hard to do with her broken arm. Finally, the packaging tape came loose and she handed it to him as she pulled another slim box form it. Opening the lid revealed an elegant owl necklace, and she smiled up at her husband. "This is beautiful. Put it on me."

Spencer chuckled as he took it from her hand, draping it around her neck as he clasped it. "My wise Heloise," he murmured as he kissed the nape of her neck. "You know, we've been forbidden from having any sexual relations until that arm of yours is healed."

"What?"

"I know, but too much strenuous activity could see you injuring it further. And you want it to be fully healed by the time Diana makes her appearance."

"You sound so certain now, that she is a girl."

He nodded against her shoulder. "The doctors did a blood test to make sure everything with her was okay. That's when they confirmed her gender. Our perfect little girl will be here in twenty seven weeks."

Erin covered his hands on her stomach. "Life is so very good to us, even with this minor bump in the road. I hope I don't go stir crazy being home alone so much."

"Well, you could ask one of your daughters to move in until Diana's born. Or I'm sure Penelope wouldn't mind watching over you, if one of them can't."

She smiled, thinking of how lovely both of those options might be. "I knew I married you for a reason, Spence. You take such good care of me." Yawning, she turned in his arms, careful not to jostle her broken arm. "I hate being so clingy, but I love you so much that I don't want to go back to sleep. I lost four days with you already."

"The sleep is good for your healing."

"I know that, Spence. But I still want to be awake and in your presence for a little while longer tonight. Will you tell me a story about your childhood?"

"There isn't much to tell, Erin. I didn't really have much of a childhood, since I was so different from other children. I love my intelligence now, but it was such a curse when I was younger." He stopped speaking and cleared his throat. "I understand those kids who kill themselves from bullying, you know."

"Why?" she asked quietly, grasping his hand tightly.

"I wanted to, too. I was bullied unmercifully in school. Yeah, I joked about how Hotch kicks like a girl, but that's only because I know the difference."

"What kept you here with us, then, my love?" She turned her face and kissed his cheek gently.

"Knowing my mother would be totally alone. And that would lead to her being put in one of those awful, poorly funded, sanitariums. I couldn't do that to her. I had to be strong for the both of us." Erin could hear the tears in his voice and she nuzzled in closer to him. "And then, it got better. I learned to cope with the assholes, to know that I could do so much more than they ever could, due to my intelligence and inquisitiveness."

"And then you came to us."

"I did. And then I fell in love with an ash-blonde goddess whose sharp tongue can reduce mere mortals to shreds." She smiled, feeling a wave of contentment wash over her.

"Well, this goddess fell in love with the demigod who brought her back down to Earth." Erin yawned once more, and fell back against the bed. "I don't think I can stay awake any longer, Spence. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Erin. I'm just so glad you're awake and with us, no longer in that limbo." He pressed a gentle kiss against her forehead and she sighed, letting her eyes flutter closed. "You have been the best thing to happen in my life in such a long time. I'd forgotten what true joy felt like"

"True joy is resting in your arms," she murmured before giving in to sleep, feeling his arms tighten around her.


	12. Good Night

"…good night, ladies, we're going to leave you now," Spencer sang to her over the phone. Erin sighed as she rested her hand on her bump. This week, the team was in Tacoma, and she missed him terribly.

"Thank you for taking time to call, Spence. It means so much to me."

"That's why I do it. Is Penelope there yet?"

Erin looked up at the woman, smiling widely at her. "She got here at five, our time. It seems she's worked out a way to work from our home, if she needs to."

"And how's your arm?"

"It hurts." From the way he drew in a sharp breath, she knew he could hear the truth behind her words. "You know why I shouldn't take anything harder than aspirin."

"I do. I should probably let you go now. JJ said for me to tell you she says hi."

A smile of pleasure crossed her face. "Tell her hi back. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Thy hung up and she looked over at Penelope. "JJ's sends her regards. I think I'm going to turn in now, I'm not feeling all that good."

"Is it Diana?" the woman asked quickly, concern filling her voice.

"I hope not. It's probably just a passing flu bug." She stood and weaved on her feet, reaching out to steady herself on the back of the couch. Penelope quickly stood and held onto her, further steadying her. "I guess I stood up too fast."

"Well, I'm going to help you up to your room in the meantime. What week are we in?"

"Week sixteen," she replied softly. "Or eight weeks away from viability. You know, they suggest we count in days, take things one day at a time, in AA. But fifty six days sounds a lot worse than eight weeks, you know?" she said lowly as they made their way upstairs. Hot tears splashed onto her cheeks and Penelope rubbed her back softly.

"Everything is going to be fine, Erin." She kissed her cheek softly as she pushed her down on the bed. "Is it going to be a tee shirt and lounge pants kind of night again?"

Erin nodded slowly, rubbing her belly as Penelope pulled out her nightclothes. She brought them over to the bed and Erin took them from her hands, listlessly pulling her blouse off before unhooking her bra and switching the garments for his shirt. The familiar scent seemed to calm her and she took a deep breath. "Would you help me with my skirt? I don't think I want to stand back up again."

Penelope turned back around, smiling at her. "Of course, Erin. Lie back on the bed and we'll get it off you." Erin did as told and felt Penelope's hands quickly divest her of skirt and pantyhose. "Let's forgo lounge pants tonight. I'll just get you covered up."  
She barely registered Penelope's words, already half asleep. Lifting her legs carefully, she felt her friend pull down the covers before wrapping her up in their warmth. "I'm so cold, Penny."

"Do you want me to put on an extra blanket?"

"Yes, please." Moments later, she felt the weight of it settle around her. And then, she felt Penelope nestle in next to her, and she instinctively moved towards her, wanting to be close to the warmth she gave off.

"Just go to sleep, Erin. I'm just here to watch over you tonight." She nodded, focusing on the steady pull of Penelope's fingers in her hair.

Erin woke up a few hours later feeling sick and in intense pain. She pulled her heavy body out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. Kneeling awkwardly in front of the toilet, she violently threw up until pure bile was burning her throat. Penelope was at her side moments later, holding her hair back. "Something's wrong," she managed to gasp out, leaning back against her during an ebb in her urge to puke.

"All right, I'll take you to the hospital." She could hear the panic in Penelope's voice and she tried not to let it overwhelm her. "Do you want to put pants of before we leave?"

"That might be for the best, Penny," she said as they stood. While she got them, Erin swished water around in her mouth, trying to get rid of the awful taste of sickness. She sat on the toilet to help Penelope pull the pants up her legs and then leaned heavily on her as they made their way to the garage.

The entire ride to the hospital, she stroked her stomach and prayed for God's mercy on this new life growing inside her. Vaguely, she could hear Penelope on the phone with Clyde, asking him to call the others for her. Finally, she was pulling into the parking lot of the emergency room and dropping her off with the nurse who was waiting.

"What seems to be the problem?" she asked kindly as she helped Erin into a wheelchair.

"I don't know. My stomach really hurts," she gasped out as she doubled over in pain once more. "I hope it's not the baby," she said through her tears.

The nurse only nodded as she wheeled her into a private room ahead of the others waiting. Another nurse helped her up onto the bed and then left. "I'll need to start checking your vitals. How far along are you?"

"Sixteen weeks. Please, my friend is coming in and I don't want to be alone right now. My husband is in Tacoma on business." The nurse smiled gently at her as she pushed her down on the bed, her fingers seeking out the pulse point on her wrist.

"The receptionist will send her back as soon as…"

"Erin!"

"There she is! See, nothing to worry about. Now, how old are you?"

"Fifty. This is a tag-a-long pregnancy. Do you think I'm losing her? I was in a car accident three weeks ago, it's how I broke my arm, and she looked fine, then. But I know that can change." The panic in her voice sounded so odd to her ears, and she tried to take deep breaths, using the yoga techniques she had learned to calm herself.

"We won't know anything until the doctor gets here. Now, I'm going to have you lie back and try to relax while we wait." The nurse drew Penelope to the side and began to ask questions while Erin rubbed her stomach and continued to breathe deeply.

Her phone began to ring, and she recognized Spencer's ringtone. Penelope pulled it out of her pocket, tossing it to Erin, and she quickly answered. "Spence!"

"Hotch is driving me to the airport right now, Erin. I don't know how long it will be before I get home. Penelope's there, right?"

"Yes. She brought me here. I think she's telling the nurse all my information. I wish you didn't feel like you had to come home right away, but I want you here by my side. I'm only sixteen weeks along, Abelard."

"And I have faith that everything will be fine, my beloved Heloise. Try to stay calm and know that I am coming home to you." She sighed lightly as she stilled her hand on the top of her bump. "I know that's a hard thing for you, but try. I love you."

"I love you, too. So much." He made a soft kissing sound that she returned before hanging up, holding on to her phone tightly. "I think I'm going to be ill again," she said softly, looking over at Penelope. She grabbed the nearby trash can and rushed to her side, holding her hair back with one hand as she held the basket with the other. "Will they be starting the Zofran soon?"

"I told the nurse, and she said she'd tell the doctor. Just try to focus on my voice right now, Erin. Okay?" She nodded faintly as she sat back in the bed. "Would you like a bit of water now?"

"That would be nice," she said, finding herself thirsty. Penelope set the can outside the door and then poured her a glass from the sink in the room. Erin awkwardly took hold of it with her bad hand and sipped at the liquid, hoping there was no aftertaste that would set her stomach off once more.

After a few, long, minutes, her doctor bustled in, looking quite concerned. "First a car accident, and now this? Am I going to have to wrap you in bubble wrap for the remainder of your pregnancy?"

She tried to smile, only to feel her lower lip wobble. "Sorry. I don't think it's a miscarriage, though. I'm not having contractions or cramping, at least. That's a good sign, right?"  
He patted her hand as he smiled gently. "Yes, that's a very good sign, Erin. Have you ever had kidney stones?" She shook her head. "Well, based on the symptoms described to me, I think that may be what you are experiencing. And let me tell you, those are agonizing to experience. The pain will even overwhelm the Zofran. Of course, I'll have to order an ultrasound to be certain."

"Okay, that seriously makes me feel a lot better. How long will I have to be in here?"

"At least today, maybe tomorrow, depending on what the results are." She nodded, and he spoke to the nurse, telling her the tests he was ordering. He waved to them as he left the room with the nurse, still talking to her.

"Spence is on his way home, Penny."

"I knew he wouldn't leave you alone here. I should probably call Clyde and let him know were here. He might even sneak us in some of those milkshakes you love so much."

Surprisingly, that actually sounded good to her ears, and she nodded before turning on her side, resting her head on her hand as she watched Penelope call him. She put him on speaker phone and something about his voice soothed her. "And I suppose I'm making a run to Sonic for one of those peanut butter chocolate banana milkshake monstrosities that my sweetheart has you hooked on."

"If you would, please, Clyde," she said quietly.

"Anything for you, Erin." She grinned and lowered her hand to her stomach, hoping to feel Diana flutter against it. "I'll be there shortly, you two."

"Thanks, Clyde! I love you!" Erin smiled at her friend's words, wondering how close the two were to making decisions on where to live together. Though she really did not want to lose her friend to England. "So, I think I heard your doctor give orders to get you moved to a private room as soon as the ultrasound was run."

"You heard right, Ma'am." They both looked to the doorway to see two orderlies standing there. "We're here to take you for that procedure and then up to the fifth floor, where your room awaits." The man who spoke was so calm that it further relaxed her, even as another flash of pain tore through her body.

Penelope reached out for her hand, never letting go until they were settled in the private room. Not even five minutes later, Clyde was there, carrying a tray with three cups in it. "Here we are. I had the most dreadful time getting up here, though. Finally, I had to pull out my credentials to get them to give up your room number." Leaning down, he kissed her cheek before handing her the largest cup. "I hope this helps you feel better."

He gave another glass to Penelope before taking out his and sitting down in one of the uncomfortable looking chairs. Penelope snuggled into the recliner, pulling her leg up underneath her. "Thank you for doing this, Clyde. I know it's not an ideal vacation for you."

"If this is what you need, than this is what you get. And I suppose it could be worse. You could have sent me looking for Persian rose cookies. Those might be nigh on impossible to find here in Quantico." His gentle smile had her blushing and she focused on the shake, relishing the smoothness going down her throat.

Her phone rang and Penelope answered. "Hey, Gum Drop. Where are you now? That's good to hear. We're in room 5389. She's good, just got out of an ultrasound on her kidneys. Clyde got us milkshakes and we're about to turn in for the evening. Okay, here she is."

Penelope gave her the phone and she smiled a little as she heard her husband's voice. "I'm in the air right now, beloved. I couldn't get a direct flight, but once the agent heard why I was trying to get hone, she called in a few favors with another airline and I'll be there before you know it."

"That's good to hear. I'm sorry I'm such trouble for you, Spence."

She heard him sigh lightly. "You are not trouble for me, I promise. Now, I just need to get you to believe that. I love you, Erin Reid. Have a good night and when you open your eyes, I'll be there with you, I promise."

"I'll hold you to that sweet promise, and I love you, too. Good night." They hung up and she set the phone aside, finishing up her shake. A nurse hurried in, checking her vitals as Erin yawned tiredly. "Are you going to come in every two hours tonight?"

"Probably not. We want you to sleep, it's best for the baby. The breakfast cart will be by about eight, you'll have to have the standard one, since it's too late to put your order in." She smiled kindly at them. "Your guests are free to spend the night, if they so wish, but there are no extra beds for them."

Erin nodded and yawned again, nestling back in the bed. "Clyde, Penny, head home. Spence is coming, and I'll be fine until he's here, I promise."

"No, Erin. Penelope is going to stay right here for the evening. I'll head to your cabin and get everything cleaned up." He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her temple before sweetly kissing Penelope. "I'll see you tomorrow, luv."

Once he had left, Erin sighed deeply. "Hold on to that one, Penny. He's a keeper."

"I'm going to try, Erin. Now, go to sleep, okay?" She nodded tiredly and let her eyes close, the white noise of the machines quickly lulling her to sleep.

Erin woke up to a large hand gently stroking her hair. Opening her eyes, she looked up into her husband's brown eyes. "Good morning, my sweet Heloise." He looked exhausted, and she opened her arms to him and he crawled into the bed, fitting his body around hers. "I spoke with the doctor a few minutes ago. It is most definitely kidney stones, and you have to try and pass them on your own. He doesn't want to try surgery, given the nature of your pregnancy."

"Oh, joy, more pain. And there's nothing he can give me for the nausea, either. This is going to suck, isn't it?"

"Perhaps, but only for a few days. The stones are little and look ready to pass in the next day or two." He kissed her and she tried to smile as she started to cry. "What is it, Erin?"

"You didn't have to come home, it was just a false alarm. I keep pulling you away from your job, and I know how important that is to you." He stilled her words with another kiss and she sighed lightly as the door opened.

"I have your breakfast tray here, Mrs. Reid." An orderly brought in the tray, and she smiled at him as he got everything set up. "Is there anything else I can get you?"

"I don't think so. Thank you." She pulled off the lid of the tray and breathed in the scent of pancakes and eggs. Her stomach roiled a bit at the smell, but the Zofran seemed to do its job, keeping her from throwing up. Digging in, she soon cleared the tray, finishing with the orange juice. The sharp pain came back as her bladder decided to scream at her and she looked at Spencer. "Help me into the bathroom, please."

He nodded and got her settled on the toilet, holding her hand as she gasped in pain. When she got up, the bowl was slightly bloody, and she wrinkled her brow. "That might be the kidney stones. I'll go get a nurse to make certain." Kissing her forehead, he helped Erin back to bed before heading out the door.

She struggled not to cry as the nurse came rushing into the room. "Your husband said there was blood in your urine. Do you feel pain anywhere?" she asked as she covered Erin with the blanket and checked between her legs.

"No, the pain subsided after I peed. That's a good sign, right?"

The nurse nodded as she smiled. "You look perfectly fine down there, no signs of dilation. The doctor will be by shortly to see if he wants to run another ultrasound. I'm assuming he will, to see if they've all passed."

Erin drew in a deep breath, reaching out for Spencer's hand. He clasped hers tightly, bringing the hand up to his lips. The nurse sighed sweetly as she left, and that made Erin feel better for some strange reason. "Maybe this means you can come home tomorrow, or even this evening."

"Home sounds really good right now."

"It should." They looked up at the doctor and she saw him smiling at her. "So, the nurse thinks the stones have passed. Let me run one more ultrasound to check everything out. If it's clear, it's still early enough to release you this morning."

This brought a huge smile to both their faces and the doctor grinned back. "I'm ready whenever you are, then." Those seemed to be the magic words and soon she was being wheeled down to the ultrasound room. It didn't take long for the tech to tell them that the stones had passed and she slumped back on the gurney in relief.

"Well, let's get you home," their doctor said as Erin was brought back to her room. "I'll sign the discharge papers and send a nurse here to help you out."

She nodded and held out her arms to Spencer, relishing the feel of his hands on her back, his lips on her forehead. "We're going home, my precious Heloise. I'll be able to sing you to sleep in our own bed."

"That you will, my beloved Abelard." Erin closed her eyes and breathed in his aftershave, feeling his presence settling around her, calming her, as he gently rocked her while they waited to go home.


	13. Wada Calcium CD3

"And they were all found with a bottle of Wada Calcium CD3 in their medicine cabinets. It is the only thing that links our victims, since they're all from different ethnicities and walks of life." Penelope and Erin both winced at the pictures on the screen, and she found she had to look away from the screen or run from the room.

"At least the case is close by, so we can come home every night," Alex said kindly, meeting her eye. Ever since her second trip to the hospital, the woman had been kinder to her, which helped immensely. "Well, I have to grab some things before we head out. Care to join me, Hotch?"

He nodded and the others followed them from the room, leaving her and Spencer alone. "I have a hinky feeling about this case," her beloved husband said lowly as they stood.

"I thought it was just me." She leaned against him, relishing his hand on her bump. The doctor had been pleased to see she had put on another four pounds and that she was starting to look more and more pregnant. "Week eighteen is just as hard as week sixteen was, but for different reasons. I'll see you tonight."

He nodded before kissing her gently. Together, they went into the bullpen, and she moved from his arms to Penelope's. "I'm running her home, so wait on any calls for information."

"I think we're all getting used to that by now, Garcia. Talk to you soon." He left and she just stood there, taking a deep breath. Then he peeked his head back into the bullpen, smiling at her. "Oh, and I love you, Erin."

This put a grin on her face and she rested her head on Penelope's shoulder as he left once more. "You were waiting for that, weren't you, Sugar Plum?"

"That obvious?" Penelope nodded, and she shrugged. "It always makes me feel better when I hear him tell me that. I've turned into a romantic fool, Penny."

"I happen to think that's absolutely adorable, hun," she said as they went to the other woman's office. After she had grabbed the laptop and her purse, they went out to the elevators and Erin fiddled with her phone. "You seem really keyed up. What is going on?"

"My son, he told me he was taking this new supplement, that one of his friends had suggested it to him, It's, I think, I don't know, but it might just be this Wada Calcium CD3. I didn't say anything, since I didn't know for sure and for certain, but my mother's heart is so worried."

"Give him a call, then."

She nodded and clicked on his number, holding the phone up to her ear and listening to it ring. It went right to his voicemail, and she bit her lip. "Honey, this is Mom. Please call me as soon as you hear this message. It's probably nothing, but you know how worried I get. I love you, Mikie."

Erin put the phone in her pocket and followed Penelope to her car. "If he doesn't call back in an hour, call his college and have someone try and track him down. I know you won't relax until you hear his voice."

She nodded and settled into the seat of her friend's car. September was almost half over, and she couldn't wait for a cooler time. Staring out the window, she fanned herself with her hand. "It's so warm today."

"A little. You also have an extra heater growing inside you." Looking over at Penelope, she saw the woman was grinning, and she smiled back at her. She had really become such a close friend in the past few weeks, and Erin relished the relationship they had forged.

"So, when is Clyde's next visit?" she asked, wanting to hear more about the duo.

"Not until Christmas. But he's going to be able to spend three weeks here. I love how much vacation time he gets. You'll be, what, eight weeks away from delivering at that time?"

Erin nodded. "Hopefully. I'm going to try and keep Diana incubating for as long as I possibly can. Once I get to thirty two weeks, though, it'll be a crapshoot." She rubbed her stomach absently and sighed. "While it might be nice to have a Christmas baby, I'm planning for a Valentine's one." Penelope nodded and they fell quiet for the rest of the drive. "Huh," she murmured when she saw an unfamiliar car in the drive. "I wonder who's here?"

Penelope parked and shrugged. "I don't know. But it looks like there's a big red bow on the hood!" Erin narrowed her eyes at the woman. "Hey! I was sworn to secrecy!" They got out of the car, and Erin went over to the unfamiliar vehicle, grabbing the bow and tugging at it. A card was attached to it, and she pulled it off, holding it close to her heart as she followed Penelope inside.

"How long have you known?"

"Since the accident. I helped him find it for you. Reid mentioned that this had been your dream car, and he wanted to get it for you. He also said that this is part of your Christmas gift, even if it is only September." Erin sat heavily on a kitchen chair and smiled dazedly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just processing. This is kind of an impractical car for a baby, you know."

"Not really. It has a backseat, and the car seat fits in it, we tried that already, and besides, a dream car is a dream car. I know how much you wanted this." Penelope smiled at her and she smiled back, feeling her eyes well up. Her phone rang and she pulled it out of her purse.

"Hello?"

"Did you like your surprise, Erin?"

"Spence! I do. How did you keep this under wraps?"

She heard him take a deep breath and waited for his reply. "Knowing I wanted to surprise you. Have you heard from your son yet?"

So he had remembered, she thought, gripping the phone a little tighter. "No. I left a message on his cell, and am trying not to worry. Your surprise has helped with that, a little, but now that you've mentioned it, I can feel the uneasiness clawing at my gut once more. Penny thinks I should call the college if I don't hear from him within the hour."

"That's good advice, Erin. Morgan and I will swing by his dorm, too. We're out on that end of town, anyway."

She nodded in relief. "Thank you, love. I'll let you go now. I love you."

"I love you, too." They hung up and she sighed out a deep breath.

"Let me guess, he's going to stop by and check on him?"

"Yes." She stood up and went to the door. "I want to go look at my new car. When that's done, if he still hasn't called, I'll call the college." Penelope joined her at the door and they went out. "She's a lovely car. It must have taken Spence forever to find a 1957 Chevy Bel Air in such good condition."

"You forget, I have awesome skills, Erin." She smiled at her friend and got behind the wheel. Already, her baby bump was getting a bit in the way, but she knew the car would still be there once the baby had arrived.

Her phone rang and she let out a breath of relief when she saw the number. "Hey, baby."

"Mom, what's up? You sounded really freaked out earlier."

She got out of the car and shut the door, leaning against it as she grinned stupidly at her friend. "There's an unsub on the loose in our area, and they're targeting users of Wada…"

"…Calcium CD3? That's in my medicine cabinet. I've been using it for the last month."

Fear rapidly gripped Erin's heart as the smile dropped from her face. "Then you need to get here as soon as possible. I have no idea how this person is targeting their victims, but I can't lose you. Do you hear me?"

In the background, she heard the sound of glass breaking, and her son shouted at some unseen person. She mouthed for Penelope to call Derek and vaguely listened to both her and her son, tears pouring down her face. "They're five minutes away, Erin, and your son is a fighter. Everything will be fine."

She tried to nod, but found her limbs too heavy to work properly. Penelope came to her side, slinging an arm around her waist as she rested her head on her shoulder. "I don't hear anything now, Penny."

"That could be a good sign. Put it on speaker, why don't you?" She did as the woman asked and they both listened to the silence.

And then, the most wonderful sound in the world came over the speaker. "Put down the knife!" Derek yelled and she sagged against Penelope in relief.

"Erin, are you still on the line?" Spencer asked moments later.

"Yes, I am."

"Good. I've called an ambulance and they're taking your son to Washington Memorial. He's not hurt too badly, it looks like, but he will be cut up when you see him. Derek and I are waiting for the local leos to get her and take care of this woman."

"Thank you for saving my son, Spence. I love you."

"I love you, too, and I'll try to get there as soon as I can."

"I know." They hung up and she looked at Penelope expectantly. "Feel up to driving me around once more?"

"Certainly. Where are we headed?"

"Washington Memorial." Penelope fished her keys out of her pocket and led her back to the car. "I'll give you gas money tomorrow?"

"Uh, how about no? You're my friend, and I love being able to do this for you, to take care of you."

Erin nodded, resolving to get a gift card for her friend, to pay her back for this. The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever, but soon they were pulling into the parking lot of the hospital. "This is going to sound so silly, but will you hold my hand while we go in? I need the contact."

"I totally understand," Penelope murmured as she clasped her hand tightly. Erin went right up to the information desk, smiling a little at the woman running it.

"Hello, I'm Erin Reid. My son, Michael Strauss, was just brought here, and I believe he should be in the emergency room."

The woman tapped away at the keyboard, her smile faltering a little. "He's actually in surgery right now."

"Surgery? Why? My husband said he was cut up pretty badly, but otherwise fine. What is going on?" A hard edge of panic filled her voice and she gripped Penelope's hand painfully tight. "Please, is he okay?"

"I'm not a doctor, Ma'am, so I have no way of knowing. Let me take you up to the surgical floor. I'm sure they can explain everything to you there." She stood up and guided them to an elevator, bundling them inside the first one that came. Erin hardly noticed that no one else joined them, her eyes filling with tears as she leaned against Penelope, rubbing her stomach absently.

"He was supposed to be okay," she whispered as they stepped out of the elevator.

"And you don't know he's not," Penelope replied, leading them after the volunteer. Erin sat heavily on a plush couch in the waiting room they were led to, and Penelope sat next to her, rubbing her shoulder.

"I'll go tell one of the nurses you're here." The volunteer left them alone and Erin began to sob, burying her face in her hands. The cast made it awkward to do, and she wished that it would come off already. Penelope pulled her close, letting her nuzzle her face into her shoulder.

"Erin, I came as soon as I got the call from Spencer. Have you heard anything?"

She looked up into the face of her ex-husband and shook her head. "We just got here ourselves, Alan."

He nodded and took the seat on the other side of her, resting his hand on her shoulder. "Wow, you're really pregnant. I hadn't imagined you this far along."

She shrugged. "I've lost some weight, too, which makes the bump more pronounced. We're on week eighteen." He smiled tenderly at her. "What?"

"You always looked so beautiful when you were pregnant. Wish I could say the same…"

"Erin! I got here as soon as I could." She looked up at her husband, her face crumpling once more as she launched herself into his open arms. "Have you heard anything yet?"

"No. I thought you said he was fine?" She heard the high pitched whine her voice had instantly taken on in his presence, and she cringed a little. "Spence, what am I going to do?"

"We are going to go through this together." She felt his lips touch her forehead and she burst into tears as he led her back over to the couch, pulling her down onto his lap. "Hello, I'm Spencer. You must be Alan," she heard him say, introducing himself to her ex.

"Yes. Thank you for calling me." It was so odd to hear the note of regret in his voice and she wondered what was going through his mind as he watched them. The minutes stretched on as they waited, and she found herself falling into a light sleep under the soft stroking of Spencer's hand on her back.

"Alan, Erin?" An unfamiliar voice was calling her name and she sat up with a start.

The moment she looked into the doctor's eyes, she knew. "No," she said lowly, tightening her grip on Spencer. "No!"

"I'm sorry, we did everything we could. Somehow, his artery was nicked and we didn't catch it in time. I'm so sorry…"

Erin couldn't listen to him any longer, letting go of Spencer to jam her hands over her ears in order to block out the rest of his words. She squeezed her eyes closed so she wouldn't have to look at him, to see the awful truth written on his face. "Honey, you need to look at me," she felt more than heard as Spencer pressed his lips to her cheek.

Slowly, she reopened her eyes to gaze at him, the tears finally spilling from her. "Please, tell me he was lying, Spencer, Alan. Please, tell me I was hallucinating."

"I wish I could, Erlie." Alan never used his pet name for her any longer, and it was then she accepted the truth, letting both her husband and her ex-husband hold on to her as she sobbed. "Shh, Erlie. You'll upset the baby if you keep crying that hard. Remember?"

She nodded a little before acknowledging Penelope's hand on her shoulder. "Do you want me to call the team?"

"If you would, please. And Ron. I'm done. I can't do this anymore."

She heard Penelope's low gasp, and finally looked at her. "What? You're leaving us?"

Slowly, Erin nodded. "I have to." Spencer rubbed her back gently before kissing her cheek. "I want to sleep now, Spence, Al. May I?" Both men nodded and she nestled into her husband's arms, shutting out the rest of the world as she forced her eyes to close, to not think about her son, her precious Mikie, being gone forever.

The last thing she remembered, before the heaviness of slumber overtook her, was Penelope's lips caressing her forehead gently as she smoothed her hair back from her face.

When she woke up, both Penelope and Alan were gone and she was curled up in Spencer's arms. "Alan left his numbers with me. He wanted us to call him when we left the hospital."

"We have to make arrangements for the funeral," she said woodenly, not letting go of him. "Why is tragedy always touching us? Why does God think I'm so strong? I'm not, you know. I'm so incredibly weak."

"No, you are not, my precious Erin. Don't think that about yourself. Okay?" She tried to nod as she sat up. "Now, I'm going to call Alan and find out where we're supposed to meet up with him."

Spencer kissed her softly before pulling out his phone and dialing a number. As Erin listened to their conversation, she felt an icy heaviness descend over her heart. Letting the tears come once more, she rubbed her stomach absently, trying to connect with her little Diana. A faint fluttering movement against her fingers caused her to smile briefly, and she leaned against her husband as he finished his conversation. "I want you to play at the funeral," she said suddenly.

"I can do that for you. Do you have anything in mind?" he asked soothingly.

"Not yet. I'm sure Alan will have some songs in mind, though." They stood and he led her over to the elevators. As they stepped outside the hospital, she was not ready for the flashes of light and microphones thrust in her face. "Spence," she whined lowly, and he wrapped her up in a protective embrace, pushing through the reporters.

"No comment," he tersely said when a mic was thrust at him. "Really, just leave us alone." Finally, they made it out to his car, and she slid in, buckling her belt and rubbing her roiling stomach.

"I don't feel well, Spence. I really don't." A horrendous headache caused her eyes to throb and her throat was raw from her crying. "I really just want to go home and sleep in your arms."

"All right. I'll call Alan and let him know about the change in plans. He just thought you'd want to get this done right away."

"I do, I do, I just…I don't want to accept this truth. I want to reject this new, horrible, reality." She reached over for his hand and he squeezed tightly as he clasped hers. Before they got underway, he called her ex-husband, and she zoned out of the conversation, still thinking about her last conversation with her son.

"I didn't tell him I love him," she whispered, breaking into fresh tears.

"I promise you, he knew," Spencer whispered back, leaning over to kiss her cheek softly before starting the car and beginning the drive home.


	14. Gardenia

Her hands were ice cold. It was such a stupid thing to focus on, in the midst of what was happening that day. She looked around the room at her family, wishing the tears would come, but it seemed like she had cried them all in the four days since she had gotten the horrible news.

"Erin, the pastor wants to get everyone gathered for prayer now. Okay?" She turned her head to look at Penelope and nodded slowly. "All right, let's go."

Gently, she led her into the huddled circle, and Alan instinctively wrapped his arm around her waist. In that moment, she missed her husband so very much and wished he was at her side, even though she knew he was doing as she'd asked and playing the piano. "Erlie, thank you for letting Spencer play. He sounds wonderful."

She nodded wordlessly and then rested her head on his shoulder. "He listened to all of Michael's favorite songs before sitting down and figuring them out for piano. I think I love him all the more for doing that."

The pastor came in and Penelope kissed her cheek lightly. "That's my cue, honey. Reid will join you once the pastor gets up to begin the service. I love you."

"I love you, too, Penelope." Reluctantly, she let go of Penelope's hand and watched her go out the door.

"All right, I'm going to say a prayer here with you, and then I'd like Erin and Alan to follow me. After them will be his sisters, and then the rest of the family."

Erin noticed he didn't mention Alan's new wife, and she looked around for her. "She thought it best if she didn't sit with us. This is our day to grieve," Alan whispered.

"Oh, but I asked Spence to sit next to me after he'd finished playing the prelude. Please, ask her to join us. Aren't we all family today?" Alan squeezed her side as he nodded. The prayer was short and then she and Alan were following the pastor out to the sanctuary. Buffy was looking back at them and Alan motioned her to join them. She nodded and took Alan's other arm as they walked down the aisle.

Spencer began to play a new song as they started down the aisle and with the change came her tears. Alan's arm tightened around her waist and she fought to keep from sobbing aloud. And then she tripped over a small imperfection in the carpeting, falling to her knees. A pause in the music told her Spencer and seen it, but then arms were helping her up and she leaned gratefully against a familiar hard body. "We have you, Erin," Derek whispered, guiding her the rest of the way to the front pew.

Derek kissed her cheek softly before going back to Penelope. Buffy gave her a soft smile as she settled next to Alan and she smiled back. Alan's hand clasped hers as the music changed once more. The moment Rainbow Connection started playing, she knew that they were bringing the casket down the aisle. She tightened her grip on her ex's hand, unable to look at the box that held her son's body.

Once the pastor stepped up to the pulpit, Spencer came to sit next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Without letting go of Alan's hand, Erin cuddled close to her husband, trying to focus on the words being spoken. All of it just seemed to blur together, however, as she found her eyes continuously darting over to the casket and then down to Alan's hand or Spencer's arm.

They stood for a prayer and then she felt Buffy's hand graze against her back. Looking over at the other woman, she took in the tears and felt her heart clench a little. Letting go of Alan for just a moment, she squeezed Buffy's hand before releasing her, fumbling for Alan once more.

It was only when the prayer was over that she felt the first deliberate flutterings of Diana that day. Overwhelmed, she released both of the men and placed her hands on her stomach. It amazed her how in tune she was with her body, that this low movement could rouse her from her sorrow. "Is everything okay with the baby?" both Spencer and Alan whispered at the same time, and she nodded.

"Diana was just telling me that everything is going to be okay in time," she replied, resting her head on Spencer's shoulder. Jessica got up and sang Michael's favorite song, somehow making it through without breaking down. Then her daughter sat at her feet, resting her head against her leg. "You did good, princess," she whispered, smiling at her.

The rest of the service passed in a blur and then they were standing for a final hymn and prayer. Spencer had gone back to the piano to play the postlude and she missed him immensely as the pallbearers wheeled the coffin out. Alan prodded her to follow, and she nodded, stumbling forward. Once more, as she passed Alpha team, Derek stepped out and took her arm, guiding her out the door and to a waiting limo.

"Reid told me I was to ride with you to the cemetery. Garcia will be bringing him by as soon as the last person leaves the sanctuary." She nodded and let him wrap his arm around her waist, grateful for the comfort he was offering her.

"Thank you," she whispered as the others climbed in. The drive over to the cemetery didn't take very long, and then she was staring at the hole they would be lowering her son down into. Hysteria began to overwhelm her and she swayed unsteadily. In an instant, Derek and Alan were there beside her, guiding her over to the front row of chairs.

"Here, Reid said you wanted us to put these on, on the casket, afterwards," Jennifer said lowly. In her hands were a number of gardenias and Erin nodded, holding out her hand. She placed one single flower there before beckoning Derek over to help her pass them out to those assembled.

"Sorry I'm late, my love," Spencer whispered as he took his spot. She nodded and leaned against him, welcoming his hand splayed out on her stomach. "I hope I sounded okay."

"Perfect, Spencer. Absolutely perfect." It didn't take long for everyone to assemble and then the pallbearers were bringing his casket to the gravesite. Once more, the blackness of hysteria gnawed at her and she dug her fingers into Spencer's arm, barely recognizing his hiss of pain.

"It will be okay, Erlie," Alan whispered in her ear and she nodded, grateful he was being so supportive. The graveside service was mercifully brief and she watched with unseeing eyes as the people who'd come dropped the flowers on top of his casket.

Finally, it was just their family left and Spencer helped her up, guiding her close to the casket. "I don't know if I can do this, Spence," she murmured, looking at the profusion of white blossoms already blanketing the coffin.

"Yes, you can, Erin," he murmured back, his hand splaying out on her stomach. "We just have a little bit more to get through and then we can go home." Gently, he kissed her head and she nodded, relaxing against him. Together, they placed their blooms on the casket and then he whisked her over to the waiting limousine.

The others joined them in short order and she struggled to smile as she opened her arms to her girls. "Mom, we've both decided. Dad and Buffy are coming back to the cabin with us and we're going to have a family sleepover in the library. We bought air mattresses for you and Buffy so that you'd be comfortable. We just don't want to be apart from either of you right now. Okay?"

She nodded and ran her fingers through Brenna's hair. "That will be fine, sweetheart." Looking over at Alan and Buffy, she saw her sadness reflected on their faces and shuddered a little. "I hope you have something to change into. I'm not sure our clothes will fit you."

"I'll run home and pack us up an overnight bag after we eat," Alan quickly said. "Buffy, you can ride over with Spencer and Erin."

The woman nodded before touching her hand to her lips. Erin sympathized with her, glad she had taken an extra dose of Zofran before the funeral. For the rest of the ride back to the church, she let her fingers dance between her daughters' hair and Spencer's lapels, needing to keep herself occupied.

Finally, they pulled into the parking lot and Aaron and Derek helped her and her girls from the limo. "Thank you," she said as she hugged Derek tightly, hoping he would know just how grateful she was for his support on this awful day.

"You are most welcome, Erin." She wasn't surprised when he kissed her cheek tenderly, even though she did blush a little as she stepped into her husband's waiting embrace.

"Alex wants to know if it would upset you too much for her to pay her condolences," he said as he led her down to the fellowship hall. The smell of food turned her stomach and she pursed her lips as she shook her head, rubbing her stomach gently.

"That would be fine, Spence," she murmured, making a beeline for an open table. There was no way that she could talk to anyone else, make small talk with those gathered to remember her son. Penelope sat down on one side of her, while Derek took the other, ensconcing her protectively.

Alex came up to her moments later, Spencer at her side. "Erin, I know we've been working on our issues these last few weeks, and I am so thankful that I accepted that olive branch you offered. I just want you to know how sorry I am for your loss." Tears made the woman's eyes bright and Erin felt her own tears prickle her eyes once more.

"Thank you," she whispered as she held out her hand to the woman. Alex clasped it hesitantly, squeezing hard before letting go.

"You're welcome." The woman melted into the crowd and Erin looked at Spencer, words not coming to her.

"What do you think will sit the easiest on your stomach?" he asked, kneeling beside her.

"Vanilla pudding, if anyone brought that. If not, maybe some potato salad?"

He nodded and stood, heading over to the food line. Alan and her girls sat at the table shortly after he'd gone and she leaned against Penelope, staring ahead at nothing. "Erlie, don't do that. Don't check out on us. Mikie may be gone, but you are not."

She turned her head to look at Alan. "I know. But it feels like there's a stone where my heart once was. If I can just make it through today…" Her voice trailed off as she shuddered. Penelope rested her hand on her upper arm and she leaned into the reassuring touch. "Brenna, Jessie, I'm sorry you have to see your mother like this."

"You're fine, Momma. Honestly." Her youngest daughter smiled at her, her eyes swimming with tears. Erin gulped a little at the glass of water David handed her. "We're all here to take care of you."

She tried to nod, to give some indication that she had heard those words, that they were sinking in. "I'm going to move now, Erin. Reid's back with food for you." Looking at Penelope, she half-smiled before sitting up, her hands going automatically to her stomach, caressing it.

"I asked one of the ladies working in the kitchen about the pudding. She's going to bring some by in just a little bit. I got you some pickles and potato salad to hold you over until then." He chucked her lightly under her chin, and she gave him a full, sad, smile. "I also saved one last gardenia for you. I remembered you mentioning that."

He presented it to her and she tucked it behind her ear, the silky caress of the petals reminding her that she could feel, that she was alive. Drawing in a shaky breath, she picked up one of the pickle spears and bit into it, relishing the crunch and sour taste. "I'll need the Zofran, Spence. It's time for my next dose."

"Of course, darling." He pulled the small bottle out of her purse and handed it to her. "We have to stay until everyone is gone."

"I know." Erin picked at her food, forcing herself to eat, knowing it would be good for the baby. She had just finished her plate when one of the church members came up to her side, handing her a cup of pudding. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, dear." The woman caressed her shoulder before melting back into the crowd. The sweetness of the dessert brought tears to her eyes, but she continued to eat it, knowing someone had gone out of their way to get it for her.

Most people left without saying goodbye to them, and she was sort of grateful for that. She didn't know how she would have handled hearing more murmured words of condolence. Nothing anyone said would bring her precious son back, and she knew if she listened for too long, she would get angry and lash out. That was the last thing Erin wanted on this day.

"Honey, let's go on a walk around the church. It might calm you down a little." She looked up at her husband gratefully and nodded. He helped her up and they began to tour the building. The sanctuary was empty when they got there, and she followed Spencer up to the baby grand piano, sitting next to him on the bench.

"Would you play me something?" she asked softly, looking at his hands on the keys.

"Yes." He began to play Lil Darlin' and she sighed, rubbing her baby bump as she let herself cry. That one blended into another jazz standard and Erin closed her eyes as she leaned back against the railing, letting the music wash over her. Hearing a noise out in the sanctuary, she turned her head to the side to see who was there. Penelope stood before her, smiling sadly.

"Hey, Der and I are heading out now. I just wanted to say goodbye and tell you, I'm available any time you need to talk." She climbed the two steps to join them on the piano platform and opened her arms. Erin went to her, hugging her tightly before sitting next to Spencer once more. "I love you, both of you, and we're here for you no matter what."

"I know. That's why you're family." Penelope nodded before gently tweaking her nose. The gesture comforted her immensely and she sighed a little. "I'll probably call you later tonight."

"And that's perfectly okay." Leaning in, she kissed her cheek gently before heading over to Derek's side. Her husband began to play once more, and Erin lost herself in the music.

"Momma, we're ready to head home now. Dad's out in the car with Buffy and Brenna. He managed to run home and pack and come back before we found you. Brenna said that she'll give directions if they lose us." She looked over at her daughter and nodded tiredly. Suddenly, she felt too heavy to move, and so Spencer helped her to her feet, guiding her out to their car.

"Jess, will you drive? I want Spencer in back with me," she whispered, fishing the keys to their car out of her purse and handing them over.

"Certainly, Momma." Her daughter kissed her cheek before getting behind the wheel.

"Come, my darling Heloise." Spencer wrapped his arm around her after he'd helped her in the back. "When we get home, I want to hear stories about your son. I want to know every happy memory you had with him."

Erin nodded and curled up tightly to him. On the drive home, she listened to Jessie and Spencer talk lowly, not really focusing on their words. Tears continually dripped from her eyes and she didn't bother to wipe them away, since she knew more would come.

Finally, they were home, and she stumbled from the car and up the few steps that led into the kitchen. Someone had opened the windows, and she could hear the way that the wind was kicking up small waves to lap at the shore. There was something so soothing about that sound, and she took a deep breath before making her way into the library.

Penelope was there, along with Buffy, and they were just putting out the last of the blankets. Her friend rushed over and gave her a warm hug before leading her over to the sofa and helping her to sit. "Alex is going to be by in about half an hour. We're going to make supper for all of you tonight, and you are not to worry about a thing. If you need it, we'll get it for you. Okay?"

Even though Penelope was addressing the room, Erin knew that the words were meant for her, and she nodded before curling up against the arm of the sofa. Spence settled a blanket around her lap before sitting next to her, his arm coming to rest around her shoulders. "All right, Penny. Thank you, so much."

"You deserve the best that we can give you, Erin." Her voice was choked with unshed tears, and Erin found her own tears rolling down her cheeks once more. "I'm going to go see what we have in the pantry, what will supplement the food that the social committee is sending along with Alex."

She nodded absently before rubbing her hand over her stomach, willing Diana to move and jump once more. The tiny little kicks that came eased the knot in her heart a little, and then Buffy was kneeling in front of her, the smaller bump reminding Erin that life went on, no matter what sort of trials and tribulations came. "So, Erin, tell me about Michael. I only got to know him recently, while you were able to raise him from a baby to a man."

"I don't know where to start," she said, sounding forlorn and lost.

"How about with your favorite memory of him?" Spencer asked as he pulled her against him, nestling her close to his chest as he covered her hands. "After all, the favorite memory is the best place to start." She nodded and took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she tried to pick out her favorite memory of her son.


End file.
